What can you do if you're Fighting With Your Husband Constantly?
It's no surprise that communication in marriage is a problem for almost every couple, but why?
Part of the reason is that partners often speak to each other using different terminology, have personal agendas, and self-identity needs that frequently negatively impact the communication in their marriage. Unfortunately, communicating just isn't as simple as exchanging information using the words we speak or write.
Take a look at this social media post I wrote to see a funny example of how marriage communication can break down. Even though the story describes a girlfriend and boyfriend, we all know the same problem occurs in marriages too.
Problem #1 - Communicating Feelings vs. Thoughts
In the example portrayed in this graphic she's communicating how she feels and he's talking about his thoughts. One partner communicating their feelings while the other shares their thoughts, roles typically played by women and men respectfully, but not always, is a common communication problem in marriage. This breakdown is caused by communicating about a subject while looking at it from different perspectives and then using different terminology to describe it.
Problem #2 - Listen vs. Fix-it
Another common marriage communication problem that this example illustrates is listening versus trying to fix-it. This is another one that often falls along typical male-female differences, but again not always. More often than not though, female partners want to be listened to and feel heard, and men are typically looking for solutions and trying to fix whatever is wrong. Part of this disparity is due to the different ways we all communicate and deal with things. While it's stereotypically believed that women process the experience and men want to alleviate the problem this is not always the case, and the roles can be reversed. Sometimes we all just want to be listened to, and other times we can be looking for solutions. But some problems cannot always be solved, at least not right away, and in those instances the best thing we can do is to listen and be supportive.
Problem #3 - Who's Right
Even though the battle over who's right isn't illustrated in this graphic, it's extremely common within communication in marriages. Partners often have their communication driven by the frequently unspoken and unconscious need to be right. When it's win or lose relationship communication can take on the dynamics of a fight-to-the-death cage match. Almost anything can trigger this as the need of our self-identities to feel confident and reassured by our being right overrides the true purpose of communication of exchanging information.
Communication in marriage can be hard at times, especially when we're not aware of the common ways we undermine it and the underlying reasons this happens. Yet we all can work at getting better at how we communicate with our partner, so pick one of these 3 common problems and work on improving it in your relationship.
What can you do if you're Fighting With Your Husband Constantly?
It’s safe to say we’ve all been lied to at some point. Perhaps we’ve even done the lying ourselves once or twice, too. And we can probably agree that lies, even small ones, can be harmful – especially in a relationship.
Does the Communication In Your Marriage Need To Improve? Learn 5 key strategies to Improving Communication in any Marriage (or relationship).
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Hi every time I try to talk to my boyfriend of 15 years about our relationship troubles he brings up past issues how can we resolve anything if we cannot work out our present situation. Also my partner gambles a lot and he's very selfish we have 3 children together. He isn't very affectionate towards me but expects me to be more affectionate towards him he also does not want to do family stuff and would rather be out with his friends drinking and gambling. I feel so unhappy, trapped and clueless to fix things.
I want to fixy marriage,but every time I try and tell my husband why I act the way I do he gets upset and leaves to hang out with people I know are doing drugs. He doesn't take my feelings into consideration and I feel like he doesn't care about the fact that I have feelings and needs to. He always gives the impression that it's all about him and he is in worse shape than I am. And I'm the only one that works. Please help me. I want to fix this and I don't know how. He has been trying to work things out with me and I appreciate the hard work he's putting in, but our communication is so bad that nothing gets fixed because we can't discuss things without arguing and yelling at each other.