Could you have an Arousal Addiction? Or know someone who might? It’s possible. Many people do. So find out what Arousal Addiction is and how it manifests.
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Many people smoke pot and think it's no big deal. Most of them would laugh at the suggestion that marijuana addiction could apply to them.
Yet, I'm finding in my clinical counseling work more and more individuals who initially minimized their marijuana use but are later facing significant relational problems because of it.
Sadly, the majority don't see any connection between the two or the possibility that they may have developed an addiction to marijuana.
A guy I'm counseling, whose wife smokes marijuana because she has cancer, was really frustrated after they were finally able to go out as a couple a few weeks ago – she fell asleep during their dinner because she was stoned.
While he understands her reasons, it eases her cancer symptoms, he also believes she misuses it (really overuses it) and resents the impact it has on their relationship.
Another couple in marriage counseling with me decided recently that they needed to stop smoking pot in the evenings after their young kids go to bed.
What were their reasons?
Unlike these two couples, it's much more common for people not to notice the negative impact on themselves and their family.
Here's a more typical scenario of how marijuana addiction can arise and go unseen or ignored:
Watching porn? Not a problem. He has no interest in sex, and even less now that he's started smoking pot again in the shed during the day while I'm in the house or at work. He's in denial that it has any effect on him, except beneficial effects on his health and mood. He's in denial that he has promised me to stop and, therefore, that he has broken that promise (several times), even though he once promised it during one of our counselling sessions. (He stopped going to those, too.)" -Maria
Like alcohol, in our society marijuana has become normalized as an acceptable way to de-stress, relax, and cope with physical pain.
Unfortunately, it's also very easy to develop a dependence upon pot for these reasons and for that dependence to then become an addiction to marijuana.
Some of the negative consequences can be seen in the changes in Maria's partner.
These are typical behavioral changes as a result of marijuana addiction.
Sound beneficial?
There are many negative effects of marijuana addiction that can easily be overlooked or not even seen as being connected to drug use.
Consider, for instance, the man whose wife has cancer.
They fight all the time about a wide variety of topics. They do this because their relationship has become dysfunctional, and they have very limited communication skills. And her marijuana use has made it nearly impossible for them to improve their communication or find other ways to fix their relationship – but they can’t seem to see that connection.
In their minds these relationship problems have nothing to do with the marijuana addiction.
But her marijuana use is clearly affecting
And they’ve lost sight of the path to improving things. But if you ask them (or at least her), they’ll say these issues aren’t connected to her marijuana use.
Any addiction will contribute to an emotional disconnect in a relationship. The addicted person is just not going to be fully present and available to participate and support their partner.
Escaping life's challenges through a drug like marijuana just makes life more difficult, not easier.
Another couple I've counseled smokes pot together every night but spends the rest of their time either apart, ignoring each other, or fighting.
Sadly, one of the few things that unify them as a couple is their shared dependence on marijuana.
This is an unhealthy dynamic, and I believe it's also one of the things that keeps them from building a healthy relationship and experiencing real intimacy with each other.
Rather than enjoying life together and building a future, they live in general misery, disinterested in one another until their co-dependent, enabling behavior brings them together each evening and they get high.
Here's another example of the unintended consequences of having an addiction to marijuana:
About 4 months ago I met an amazing woman. We both fell head over heals for each other from the beginning and everything was great. We have never fought, disrespected each other, cheated, etc. we have been perfect. She lives a life of sobriety and had been for 5 years. I don't drink at all but about 2 months ago I started smoking pot. It turned into an everyday thing for about 4 weeks. I would never do around her or even be high around her. A few times she brought it up as something she might not be ok with as she was learning what she was ok with and not. We talked and she said she didn't mind that I did it as long as it didn't effect our relationship. During those 4 weeks looking back on it now, the last 2 weeks we've became disconnected and 2 days ago she broke up with me out of nowhere. She said she lost the love she had for me and said ‘I love you but I'm not in love with you.’ She wouldn't let me even have a chance or give me a try to make it right. I told her I would stop but it didn't matter to her she said because her feelings had already changed. I don't see how you can love someone one day with all your heart and be done the next. She looked at me like I was a threat to her sobriety. I don't know what to do." -Dylan
A lot of the time marijuana addiction doesn't look like an addiction at all.
Clearly smoking marijuana caused relationship problems for him, and there’s probably more than we know because we're not hearing her side of the story.
Because marijuana is becoming a legal choice in more and more places, more and more people think of it as a harmless and acceptable choice. Many put it in the same place in their minds as alcohol. In fact, some consider it a safer, less dangerous, and an even less addictive choice than alcohol.
But the truth is, legalization doesn’t eliminate the risks.
The considerations I noted above make no difference once abuse of the substance occurs. Marijuana, regardless of its new legal standing, can still be abused and cause a wide range of interpersonal problems for those who abuse it. Anything overdone ceases to be harmless and “no big deal.”
Despite what many people believe and much of what is said in our society, developing an addiction to marijuana is becoming very common. Which means it’s even more important to recognize the problems that come with it.
And you don't have to have a marijuana addiction that requires treatment in a drug rehab center to have a problem that needs to be addressed.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published June 8, 2017, updated on June 7, 2022, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Could you have an Arousal Addiction? Or know someone who might? It’s possible. Many people do. So find out what Arousal Addiction is and how it manifests.
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Me and my boyfriend of 2 years moved in together 5 months ago. He warned me of his cannabis withdrawal symptoms but didn't realise how bad he would get them. We would argue multiple times a day, he would deny what he said and would remember things differently. This would cause more fights while trying to defend myself. He now smokes every day. All day. Including edibles. He would pass out for 12-16 hours. We used to do things together and would spend quality time together, but this all stopped. He fell asleep Sunday 6pm and didn't see him until Monday noon, but within an hour or two, he would be back to sleep and would not get up until 4am, by which time I'm already asleep (waited till 3). I would then get up around 10 and he would be sleeping again! I'd wake him up at noon, he would get up and sit outside, only to lay down and fall asleep on the bench?! Obviously get up sometime to get more high, then go back to sleep but demand me to not leave him there. I'm tired of this. I can no longer have a life. I regret moving in with him. I do everything around the house whilst I've never been with anyone so lazy before. We don't ever talk or have intimacy, we barely even sleep together as he just passes out on sofa. Obviously no sex life anymore either. If we were to do anything, maybe once in two months, I'd have to do it all. Doesn't excite me anymore, I resent him. I miss myself and my old life, I was a lot happier before moving in together. I have told him how I'm fed up with his nonstop sleeping, promising he would accep the food delivery while I wanted to just switch off in a quick bath, but having to jump out wet and naked because he can't hear the door or pick up the phone as he fell asleep again! I got upset about it feeling more and more irritated, ended up having a fight, I feel like we don't spend QUALITY time together (having to lay next to him while he's snoring so I can't even hear the tv doesn't count to me), he's the one who got upset about it.... I'm so done and tired. What can I do?
Alex, if I were you, I would leave him at this stage in a relationship!