4 Min Read

Contents

• What Masturbation Addiction Looks Like
• The Problems Masturbation Addiction Causes
• Takeaways Regarding Masturbation Addiction
• FAQs

Everyone masturbates, right?

Well, I’m sure almost everyone has at one point in their lives. But does everyone do it regularly, no.

However, a lot of people do masturbate regularly, particularly men.

But masturbation is harmless, right?

No, not really.

Masturbation can actually become an addiction – pretty easily too.

Unfortunately, those who struggle with a masturbation addiction most often do so in secret. Because masturbation is one of those shameful topics that almost nobody talks about.

Sure, it gets joked about. But not talked about in a serious way.

Yet it can cause some very serious problems – for the person with it, their partner, and their relationship.

So, let’s have a serious conversation about masturbation addiction, because a number of us either have one or are really close to it.

What Masturbation Addiction Looks Like

Even though masturbation is a solo sexual activity, and almost always done in secret, there are usually signs if you know what to look for.

Here are a few signs of a masturbation addiction:

1. Excessive masturbation. What’s excessive look like? I know guys who do it as many as 3-4 times a day, and this is a regular routine for them. Others do it every single day as they shower.
2. Not interested in sex. The vast majority of men want to have sex, and typically more frequently than their partners. If yours doesn’t, most likely there’s a not good reason why.
3. Sexual performance problems. This can be either the inability to get an erection, maintain an erection, or orgasm.
4. Taking the phone into bathroom. This one has become a big problem and a frequent sign today of possible porn viewing and masturbation.
5. Denial and anger. If you ask about it, you get attacked.

While there can be a number of reasons or explanations for any of the above, a masturbation addiction is at the top of the list.

Here’s an example of what this looks like in real life.

I've been with my partner for 7 years now and recently he hasn't wanted sex with me at all. He has all these excuses as to why he doesn't want to have sex. One night I saw him spying on me and my first thought was he is going to have a wank and I was right. I started to notice that it was every night and yet he still wasn't interested in me. I asked him about it and he got really angry straight away and said it was all in my head and I was imagining things. I started to notice he stopped hugging me in bed and he was very distant. I started going to bed before him and he started sleeping on the couch, so I tried staying up and yep he went to bed early. One night I thought I could hear him going at it for hours even right into the next day, I decided to talk to him again and I did and we ended up having sex. Later I Googled about his behavior and it came up with abusive masturbation. He continues watching porn and still tells me I need help and I am trying to destroy our relationship and keeps telling me how messed up in the head I am, but I know I’m not. Is he emotionally abusing me? And why do you think he denied the porn? Am I crazy?” -Heather

The Problems Masturbation Addiction Causes

The definition of addiction is a repetitive behavior that has negative effects.

But how can there be negative effects from masturbation?

We can see them in Heather’s relationship above, but let’s list some of them:

• Not interested in sex with your partner
• Tension or conflict with your partner because of no sex
• Difficulty having sex (ED, can’t orgasm, etc.).
• You need more than your partner to become aroused
• Persistent sexual fantasizing about the opposite sex
• Dependence on masturbation (to relax, for stress relief, to sleep, fill down time, etc.)
• Wasted time

Often the reason for these problems is a secret. Since masturbation is usually done alone, partners can experience the negative effects of it but don’t know that it’s the reason why.

And because the person with the masturbation addiction enjoys it so much, there’s usually a willingness to accept the negative effects.

Finally, since looking at porn and masturbation so often go together, a whole other set of problems are those that come along with porn watching.

Here’s another real-life example showing the ripple effects of excessive masturbation –

I am desperate right now. We were getting married this year but I called the wedding off because of his on-line behaviour. After months of lying to me I discovered he has a porn addiction. I went completely crazy feeling hurt beyond belief and I physically attacked him which I am deeply ashamed about. He has had significant erection problems for years and never gets aroused with me and I suspect it is PIED. This is what hurts more than anything that he would prefer masturbating over other women than being with me. I am so lost.” -Abby

Takeaways Regarding Masturbation Addiction

Sex is designed for 2 people to experience together, not 1. Even though the desire to masturbate is normal, when the behavior becomes excessive it can develop into a masturbation addiction, which leads to a number of negative consequences.

If you recognize any of the signs or negative effects listed above you should really consider if masturbation has turned into a problem. Since addictions often require professional help to permanently change or stop, get some help.

FAQs

Do both men and women masturbate?

Yes, both men and women masturbate. Although it’s more typical of men. The frequency can vary for both sexes, from occasionally to multiple times a day. For most middle-aged adults it’s not an excessive activity.

Is masturbation harmless?

No. Done infrequently it has little effect. More often and it can fuel regular sexual thoughts about others and a porn addiction. Done excessively it can cause erectile dysfunction, impotence, and other sexual performance problems, as well as relationship issues.

I fantasize about my wife when I masturbate. What’s wrong with that?

Your mind will want to do more fantasizing than just about your partner. Pathways in your brain get rewarded and reinforced, which leads to the recurrence of the behavior that built them. Since your brain wants more, thoughts of your wife won’t provide enough stimulation if you masturbate regularly.

Think you or your partner could have a masturbation addiction? Please share with other readers what that’s been like for you and get their thoughts.

Looking For More?

• Take A Quiz To See If You Have A Problem In Your Relationship
• Get More Help With Addiction Issues
• Scroll Down And See What Others Have To Say Or Join The Conversation