Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Part 2 of 3
Being addicted to pornography is a problem for many men. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men and their partners that have a hard time recognizing pornography as a problem. For many it seems normal for a man to watch porn - the truth is that it’s not. Porn viewing causes issues for men in their personal lives and in their relationships.
Most men will ignore the signs of a problem with porn addiction until they not only have to contend with their porn problem, but also the other aspects of their lives that have been damaged. By the time they accept there’s an issue and do something about it, there can be a lot to untangle and it can take a lot of time and work. Just check out Jay’s story below to see what I mean.
Jay never saw pornography as a problem. He certainly didn't think he was addicted to pornography. Looking at porn is pretty normal guy behavior he thought.
Once in a while he'd wonder if he could be addicted to pornography, but he'd quickly rationalize the question away. How could he be addicted to pornography? He didn't obsess over it, he didn't plan his whole day around looking at porn, and he didn't have an expectation or anticipation for the next time he could look at pornography. He just wasn't like that.
What Jay didn't see was how routine looking at pornography had become for him. He didn't see that, just like the addictive patterns described above, he also was dependent on porn. Pornography gave him a little pleasure, sometimes for only a couple of seconds, in his otherwise stressful, demanding, non-stop life. And he needed that.
Jay almost never got on the computer with the intention of going right to porn. But he usually ended up there. He did like to check his email every day - mainly to see if any buddies had sent him any new porn clips. Also, just like the addictive behavior he believed described someone who is pornography addicted, he'd became religious about checking his email. It never occurred to him that his irritability and constant fights with Charlene the week the computer wasn't working were because he couldn't get into his email or online to go to some of his favorite sites.
As Jay became more addicted to pornography things with Charlene got worse. Of course, in his mind, one had nothing to do with the other. Eventually, however, she convinced him that they needed help – counseling. He didn’t really see the need, but agreed to go to make her happy.
Jay's awareness of his problem changed after he began men's counseling at Guy Stuff. He’s begun to see there was more going on than he realized and that his behavior was anything but normal. Here's what he's shared with me about his being addicted to porn:
As Jay and I continued to work together, he's confessed that,
Lusting after women is huge for me. It's my biggest challenge. I live a life of fantasy. What could be. Not just with porn, but in my work, my relationship with Charlene, my whole life."
Jay was starting to understand he had a number of things he needed to work through, and that porn addiction had not only exacerbated existing problems but caused many, many more. The behavior he thought was “no big deal” and “just a normal guy” thing, had nearly cost him his relationship with Charlene and his family.
Are there any parts of Jay's story you can relate to? If you're wondering if you could be addicted to pornography, and maybe even denying it like him too, talk to a professional counselor who knows porn addiction (be careful, though, not a lot of counselors really know how to treat an addiction to porn). Get an expert's opinion. It's too easy for us to talk ourselves out of the truth. Just like Jay.
(Read Part 1 of Jay & Charlene's story - What Porn Addictions Look Like and Part 3 Porn Addiction Help - A Wife Finds Her Husband's Porn).
Editor's Note: This post was originally published September 12, 2012. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
© 2026 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
We have been together for 18 years. I found his first porn on his phone after I had my son. I told him I didn't like it he said I won't do it again. Than about 3 months ago bam there it is in his history again. Needless to say the trust is broken this time and can not be repaired. The only reason I am still here is cause of my 3 children. I count the days for when I can walk out the door. My youngest is 4 so yes I feel stuck for the next at least 10 years cause Don't want my kids in a broken home. There is just certain beliefs I believe in. When I decided to start a family with him that we would raise our children's together no matter what. My emotions are so up and down its unreal. I have been in a state of depression for over 3 months. I told him how I felt the first time than to do it again. That just proves one thing in my eyes and that's I don't matter to him and his porn will always come first. Not to mention the sex live is horrible. He has no clue on how to actually love someone. His body goes straight to porn mode But I was the one who was told I acted like porn in the bedroom. Lol maybe cause that's where your mind is at when we are in bed. I just flat out gave up on our relationship as of now. It's still hard to actually take that walk out the door and move on. I feel as if we are more of friend with benefits now than lovers. You can love someone to death but not be in love with them anymore. All we do is fight and argue. I told him to use his brain and figure out when all of our relationship problems started. When you decided to ignore me and take the easy way out. That's exactly what it is the easy way out. Porn screws mens brains up to no return and there too caught up in fantasy land to even realize what's happening. I can honestly say I feel bad for him and other men wjo get caught up in this fantasy world. They are judging you with the porn images they see more than you realize. I started getting told things about my appearance like your losing weight your butt is small. My response is I am all natural nothing fake and if you don't like it alot of men like skinny girls. Than there is the constant wondering eye yes men checked out women but when there caught up in porn world they tend to stare more and more often. They are just viewing us a sexual objects to them. So keep watching porn men and eventually that's all you will have is the flip of a phone cause us real women are not putting up with your bulls hit anymore. Women are starting to take a stance on what real relationships mean to them. No we don't like to share our men unless that's your thing. So have fun with your phones and computers. Finished venting sorry
Amber, No problem with venting. That's what this site is for. I appreciate your honesty and comments. You're right about this -- "Porn screws mens brains up to no return and there too caught up in fantasy land to even realize what's happening." It is revereable though. -Kurt
Ladies,
I'm here to say, please do let your worth and beauty feel affected by this. Not to talk myself up, but I am beautiful. Beautiful enough to to turn heads when I walk into a room, and I have a porn addicted husband. Think of how many men who would find it a blessing to be with you. Why waste your time of these troubled, selfish little boys? I have an extremely high sex drive, and I was always getting denied sex....so my husband could take the easy route of pleasing himself, and only himself. Sex requires attention, effort and the desire to please and bond with another person. All of these men lack the ability for this. Mine even went as far to blame me for his addiction. It's all a cop out. They won't ever change. Unless you drop the internet and cable access....it will always be there...just like with a drug addict. Once you have an addiction, you're always an addict. You wake up every day fighting those urges. But, unlike drug addiction, none of the consequences of porn addiction are life threatening. All it damages in our intimate relationships, our ability to love ourselves, or trust someone else. Men have to Actually see themselves as having a problem, to fix it, and most never will. So, after 10 years, and two children, I'm done. I know I can find someone else. I'm not competing with another woman for a mans attention....and I surely am not competing with multiple ones via a computer screen. I hope you all get fed up enough and find the strength to leave, as I did. Best of luck and love to you all. Xox
My husband and i have known each other since we were 14. We were each other's first love. We are both 48. Alot has happened through the years. We broke up and lost contact for 21 years and reconnected . We were married while he was in prison. The first 10 months he was home I struggled because he was not affectionate and couldn't keep an erection or ejaculate . He seemed to nit pick at everything I did. Our four year anniversary was our first together. He did nothing to acknowledge it. I thought he obviously had a change of heart. When I confronted him he brought up stuff from 30 years ago. I was confused and hurt. Then one day in our Google photo account was a porn video. When I confronted him about it he said it was just something he was sending his brother as a joke. I didn't believe him. Then I saw the history on his phone..it was extremely long with nothing but porn. He was watching it for hours daily. Even a work. He told me to look up why he had erection problem thinking I would be told it was normal for his age. That's when I learned of the connection between porn and ed. As well as why he treated me the way he did. I enlightened him to this. Ended up putting a parental control on our router and phone. He still found away around this to view pics and watch videos on YouTube. He even started looking porn stars up on facebook and sent a friend request to one . When I confronted him it was an accident etc etc. He tried to open a twitter acvount. Then he went to adult book store . Both times I had a gut feeling and gps him. He said he was driving by picked someone up and had to turn around. Second time same feeling and this time he admitted to being there but was looking for something for us. I don't believe anything. I took all the parental controls off I told him I can't stop him. It isn't harm less . I married him for better or worse and it wasn't going to get better until he admitted he has a problem. He won't. I asked him to stay out of adult book stores and not have porn stars on facebook . I don't deserve to be publicly humiliated. So I sit here tonight writing this because I have no one to talk to about this and I'm crying because I need to let go. I don't like what this has done to me how I feel. So I will just start preparing to start over on my own as I'm sure that what will be the outcome. My husband had lied so much to me that I can't believe that he will stay faithful. He has all along said he loves me. I told him I stood by him I was here for him I work hard am a good wife and while he can't show me a little affection he can lust after these women . I did say to him it was like he was cheating on me everday. He promised no more porn. But I don't trust him . I don't know how I can . He has lied right to my face.
A year later...engaged to this same man who swears he has stopped w/ porn. Do I believe? No. Am I my own PI, yes. My father is a former FBI agent. Instinct is genetic. I have since returned to school & tried to get a grip no who I am. I will NEVER trust a man again. And no amount of couseling will change my opinion. I'm not the one in need of couseling. He is.
The logical part of my mind understands what you're saying (it's not me; it's him), but until you're in this situation it's beyond difficult. I've now gotten the "I have promised you I won't do it and I haven't." I have found no evidence that he has, but part of me has given up on my side-job as being a "private investigator." I have been to numerous counseling sessions & nothing works. There are pieces of me that will never return. Never. And only when/if he is willing to fully understand how this has broken me....I can't heal. To most, porn is viewed as recreation....to me it's deadly.