Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Part 1 of 2
Are you a little curious about pornography addiction?
If you're a woman, "curious" may not be the right way to describe it. Desperate for answers and in need of help may be a better way to put things. You could be searching for all the information you can get your hands on so you can try to understand why your partner has a pornography addiction.
If you're a man, you may be the one who's curious about how your addiction to pornography compares to others and if it really qualifies as an addiction at all. After all, don’t most average guys look at porn? Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for them or doesn’t cause problems. Maybe you just want to know how other men deal with pornography.
At Guy Stuff we work with men who are addicted to porn every day. We help men overcome porn addiction and help women learn to deal with it. Just for clarification, women can struggle with addiction to pornography, too, but as you'll see below it looks a lot different for most women than it does for men (check out Do Women Like Porn?).
Good question. Let's start to look inside pornography addiction with a couple of real-life examples of behaviors associated with an addiction to porn. The excerpts that follow are from the article Porn Addiction:
You can see from these examples that pornography addiction doesn't just involve men. Also, like any addiction it can start innocently enough, such as the couple trying to improve their sex life, but it can quickly get out of control.
There are many people who don’t think looking at pornography on a regular basis qualifies as an addiction -- especially those that are actually addicted.
An addiction to alcohol or drugs can be easier to define and identify. Pornography addiction is a bit more difficult. But when someone spends time watching porn at work, instead of socializing with friends, or needs to watch porn in order to have sex with their partner, there’s a problem.
A lot of people, usually men, think that looking at porn is nothing more than something to pass the time or a way to relieve some stress. It can seem harmless because it’s not actually physically cheating and no one is visibly getting hurt. Unfortunately, neither one of these perceptions is true.
Looking at porn actually causes many problems, and not just for the viewer, but for their relationships as well. And while it isn't the same as meeting someone in a hotel room, many experts and certainly many spouses will tell you that a regular porn habit is actually a form of cheating, or at least micro-cheating.
Specific numbers are hard to come by, but here are some statistics that can give some us idea:
As you can see, addiction to porn affects a lot of people and is quite problematic.
Hopefully, this begins to give you a little bit of a look inside pornography addiction. Obviously, there's much more to it than this. In Part 2 of this series we'll look deeper into understanding the causes of addiction to porn.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published August 15, 2012. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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Him and I were trying for a long time! And honestly if people stay when a situation is so bad that only tells that being treated like shit feels good! Once you know your worth you stop giving people discounts! I refuse to deal with anything like this ever again. There is plenty of fishes in the sea
Misty, Agree that knowing your worth is crucial to a healthy relationship. Glad to hear you got there. -Kurt
My husband's porn escalated to him starting relationships on line. It nearly destroyed our marriage. My feeling is that with addiction, there is no middle ground once that line is crossed, he should no longer look at any porn. Our daughters, one now 13, keeps finding porn on his computer. Is a little ok? I don't think so - thoughts?
Rachel, I agree that there is no middle ground for most people when dealing with any kind of addiction, not just porn. Defining whether someone has an addiction is important first. However, even if the behavior doesn't meet the criteria of being an addiction that doesn't mean it's not a problem and needs to stop. I'd be very concerned about any kid finding porn on their parent's tech devices - especially a 13-year-old girl. -Kurt
Thank you - I am seeking help to find a way to confront my husband about his porn. Any other ideas? I don't see this being a simple sit down and talk solution. How would I start? I have 3 daughters and one 1 in our family. I am so terribly sad.
I confronted my husband after our oldest daughter, (we have 3) was finding porn on my husbands computer. His reaction was flippant, arrogant as he countered with, "SO, big deal. This is normal". I asked him to not bring porn into the house, if he so chooses, he can go elsewhere. I can't stop him. He's an adult, and I feel he should act like an adult if he chooses to do this. Protecting my children is my first priority, as they are developing self image and confidence. This does not help. I feel very alone. It might be "normal" for men to view porn, but I countered with it's NOT OK for our daughters to find it on their Dad's computer. I feel helpless.
Rachel, You're right to be protecting your kids (and the same goes for those with boys too). Porn damages girls and boys. A response to your husband could be - porn viewing maybe "common," but it's not "normal." Keep up the fight. It is possible to break through the denial. -Kurt
I have been married for 5 years. My husband and were best friends. We got married when I got sick and was dying. Things where a fairytale then his personality began changing. He became arrogant, neglectful, abuse, just plain mean, manipulative, lying. So I left him not understanding what happened. Began having more health problems after leaving to discover I was almost 5 months pregnant, my health was supposed to make pregnancy impossible. So for our child we attempted to work through things. My husband loves kids and is great father, when around. I learned that my husband spent a lot of time watching porn and actually got into trouble and almost fired from work because he was on computer partaking in porn rather then his job. So he said he might have problem and stayed away for while. He began looking at it again six months ago and again personality changed this time became even more abusive and throwing actual tantrums that he wasn't doing anything wrong he wasn't touching persons in videos, that it was all my head I was just insecure, jealous, psycho female and my feelings were my problems, he pays the bills, I'm just a babysitter so he should be allowed to do what he wants. So again I left him and moved in with my parents 2 hours away. Husband was furious that I left and took his son away. So said would no longer watch porn so he could keep his family. He spoke of how he loved me and missed me and it was heartbreaking my son cried for his daddy every night. They communicated over phone but husband had chances to visit but never did. I finally broke down one night when my son was crying about missing his daddy, so we went to his daddy. My husband swore he hadn't had anything to do with porn while separate. I wasn't even away 2 month's. I returned to discover he had actually gone on a porn bender, and was more disturbing and deviant then I thought possible, also why he chose not to visit his son whom he claimed to be crying for. I feel backed into corner. As much as my husband claims he loves me and cares and misses our friendship and wants to try counseling whatever it takes I feel he won't change and I will end up more hurt, on other hand he doesn't seem to make effort with our son when we away and it breaks my heart to hear my precious boy crying sad nightly for his daddy only being a toddler not understanding, even during day my son will try and hide phone and call his daddy.
Kendra, Actions speak louder than words. "As much as my husband claims he loves me and cares and misses our friendship and wants to try counseling..." So tell him he needs to prove it. He can start by going to counseling by himself, as well as deciding on a schedule of when he will visit and care for your son. -Kurt
thanks so much for all the time and effort you put into your blogs. It's very much appreciated.
Madonna, You're welcome! Glad they're helpful. I appreciate the recognition that it takes a lot of work - which it really does. -Kurt
My fiancé and I have been together for 4 yrs, known each other for 20. For the last three years he's been secretly watching porn, denies it at first and then tells me "so what it's normal". He's even told me that he never had a problem until we were together. Doesn't make sense. He sneaks it in whenever I run an errand and not home. He's tried moves that he's seen on me, and I don't like it. I'm no prude but I'd rather make love than this rougher, dominated sex. I told him how it makes me feel to have him need to look at other women..actually teenagers!! He searches up the young ones!! Why!? I don't get it. I'm actually worried about my 16 yr old daughter (not his) cuz she's the body type he's looking up. I've seen what he looks at. Not sure what to do, not wanting to continue this if nothing will change. Any advice?