What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
A common complaint I hear in counseling men is that there's no sex in marriage. If you're one of those guys who has a marriage without sex, I've got some good news. Women complain about no sex in marriage too. Check out "My Husband Won't Have Sex with Me" for one example.
It may be surprising to learn that more wives than not want to have sex with their husbands. That certainly goes against what many of the guys I work with believe regarding their marriages, especially the ones who say they have no sex in their marriage. It’s true though.
It may be really hard for some men to believe, but most women enjoy and want sex as much as they do. They just want more than a quick, physical interaction. It’s a myth that women don’t like sex, or that after marriage and kids they’re no longer interested. The truth is that it’s easy for both partners to get lazy and forget that sex is about more than just the act. Women in particular are looking for more to the experience than just the physical, and can become disinterested when it’s a matter of just sex with very little emotional connection. Of course, they also play a role in that as well.
More proof can be found at iVillage, an online community for women, in their 2012 Married Sex Survey; a poll of the sex lives of 1,001 wives ages 18-49. The results will be shocking if you're in a marriage with no intimacy.
Here's the REALLY GOOD NEWS for men:
So what is a man to do when he feels trapped in a marriage with no sex? Well, to begin with, talking and connecting with his wife is a good start. Before you can start complaining about the lack of sex in your marriage you really need to give some thought to whether the effort you’re making is right and enough. Understanding what your wife wants and how she feels about your sex life is key. She bears responsibility here too though - a happy and healthy sex life is a two-way street.
In addition, there are some specific things that women commonly respond to when it comes to generating interest in sex.
What helps to get women in the mood for sex? Here are some of the key components that women have cited.
What can husbands do with this info if they're in a marriage without sex? Communicating with her and creating a more intimate and personal connection is the biggest, and most beneficial thing they can do. Below are three specific actions you can begin to do right now that will help get her in the mood.
No sex in marriage is no fun and not particularly healthy. Now we know that's true for both husbands and wives. The best news of all is that you can do something to change a marriage with no intimacy.
Stop right now and think of 1 thing you can do from the above list that wives say they want. Guys, let's stop complaining about no sex in marriage and start doing something about it.
What else can you do? Take our Partner Rater Quiz and get more ideas about how you can change a marriage without sex and love.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 24, 2012. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
Think My Husband Doesn’t Find Me Attractive After Baby? If you think your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive After Having A Baby there may be more to it.
Most women don’t think of men as being shy or nervous in the bedroom. To many of us it seems like men have an envious amount of self-assuredness and confidence when it comes to their sexual abilities (warranted or not).
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Meander, Sounds like you've got more problems in your marriage than just sex - I hear respect, consideration, love, etc. Get some professional help before you leave and learn what you can do to get things to change. You have more power than you realize. -Kurt
I'm grateful for finding this website.
Like many men who find themselves in a sexless marriage; I never took an oath of celibacy when I said "I do" on my wedding day.
After 19 years of attempting to turn around a sexless marriage without success; I'm done.
Right now I'm in the process of putting all my personal belongings into storage.
And after we can live apart for one year, can divorce papers be served.
I for one am excited and looking forward to this fresh start.
I call this the Janet Jackson THEORY
- What have you done for me lately _
(go and listen to her lyrics she will state she GOT HER OWN everything)
Oh and the compliments, I have poured out more of these over the 24 years then you can imagine and like Kurt the response is YOU MUST WANT SEX!!! ahh man that just kills your spirit, I too love my wife but this stuff is non-sense like 2 weeks ago I was speaking to a couple from our church with my children beside me and my wife walks up and they say your husband always speaks highly of you and we enjoy talking with him. Well that started WWIII she started to accusing me of lying to people and if I thought some much of her then I should listen to her advice and then do it. Her advice! close down the little company I have because sometime a bill gets paid late and go to work for walmart and get a couple other part time jobs so I can pay all the bills on time and that I can also be off on the weekends. YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT! She says this would make her happy "RIGHT" she wants this and that and that I am not working towards the things she wants. I said lets take it one at a time OK, lets start with a replacement car (I suggested we get rid of this car years ago, but no) but first I have to sell the car we have and it needs work and I must search out whats available and make it work so we can pay cash. I spent 3 weeks of hell with her and she fought me on every turn, I had to put off so many clients to take care of the repairs and 84 phone calls, 22 test drives and the car finally sold for what I said in the beginning it would sell for, I told her that if you do not want to put more money in to it, it is going to sell for less. She wanted a Lexus and I told her NO I'M NOT MAKING ANYMORE REPAIRS on a V6 Toyota again it cost big moola and it takes so long to do those repairs. We had a Camry and I suggested we stick with a Camry or a Honda 4-Cly but she says I WANT AN UPGRADE excuse me (be thankful you have a car) so I found the car and I spent 3 days going over this vehicle 2009 and the guy wanted $10,900 and I told her just drive the car and don't talk to the guy like you did the last time and I could not get him to move off the price and she told him she had all the cash of course she had cash I refi the home and gave her $12K to get a car and take care of other things, she paid it all out on a car that should had only paid $9K for. After much fussing she stated she likes it but then tried to act like she was a mechanic because we had seen 2 cars but this one was the best deal her comments IT'S MY MONEY I'll make the decision ok but be ready to shell out for repairs if you buy that other vehicle at the sellers asking price it needs repairs SO WHAT THE CAR LOOKS CLEAN. So I'd had enough I said go and deal with the owner(s) she did and he said 10K is all he can do, well after a couple days she accuse me of not being any help at all, so I said are you done with this non-sense? so she took a day off work while I had rented a car for her to get to work for the last 4 days but it needed to go back it costing me money so we went and meet the owner I told him your car is worth $8800 cash and this is what's wrong with it. He was hoping for more, she thought I was being unfair nevertheless he took it, I said dear you give him $10K then you better start saving for repairs because I will not be a repairman, she said you don't do anything anyway OK. So she now has a 2009 Toyota that was listed as a 2008??? I brokered cars for years and race some and worked for Toyota years and years ago so I know a little about cars and airplane. After all that she preceded to tell me that my life and finances are terrible and that I never have any money, funny I don't owe anyone money except for her because I was shy $420 of the rent because I gave a client a refund, she says I owe her, well I spent $455 on parts and $236 for the rental plus gas and to sell the car we sold. Now she has HER car while at the title place I went out to have a look again at this car and when I returned she had put the car in her name only and said it cost $14 to add my name and she didn't want to spend $14 dollars!! I gave her $4200 from the car we sold, plus $800 because she wanted to add another $5k to get a replacement car for around $10K and I'm saying WHY SO MUCH FOR A CAR????? so I thought I'd save her some money. Paid the guy in cash at the bank and save big time. I got a thank you a week later after spending 3 days prepping the new car to see what we got. I took it to my office and gave it a work over it looks brand new she could not believe it. BUT it's HER car and I must ask to drive it unless I'm going to go get take out food or agree to us going out or to dinner then no question asked. A husband cannot even earn a kiss from this women, she did shake my hand once that week while I was asleep, no kiss goodbye or hello, zero affection a casual thank you for making dinner before I go back to work a second the same day each day. Everyday is COLD SHOULDER and YOUR NOT THIS or THAT. Looking at exit plans and options since she said she has her own money and that she could do better and she is making prep for herself and the children, yea right! she doesn't cook most of the time so I said the children can stay with me like the last time when she got her own place or was stressed out and would ask can I come and get the children I'm to tired to cook and eating out is expensive so please feed them before you return blah blah IS THAT RIGHT, well it is going to be different this time if we separate.... okie dokie
Sorry it's long but the thread of discontentment runs thru most of these post from men who are trying and somehow we are encouraged to try a little more -
I'm not so sure that is the approach sometime a MAN has got to tell his BOY "son look stop all this silly boy stuff and be a man put you foot down or in some bully's butt and deal with the fall out until they back down or back off.
Just for laugh to take the edge off:
A man was speaking to GOD about a wife and GOD told the man that "EVE was given to ADAM as a perfect gift in perfect form and that she is beauty in it's purest essence.
In which the man replied - GOD that's great but what happen to the REST OF THEM - ok ok ok ok
Peace in HIM
What happened to the rest of them? They had their sexuality hijacked by lechers before they even had a chance to find out what it feels like to dance in their own skin without it being appropriated for some man's lustful purposes. That's what happened to the rest of them....More to come.
One of my theories is that women don't mate well in captivity. Marriage takes away the element of choice as soon as a couple says "I do". From that moment on, a woman knows she is no longer "chosen" but is now an obligation. She knows that she's the consolation prize that he settled for. I think many women feel this way in marriage. I really believe this. I think a woman is turned on by being chosen. I've even heard Christian men say that men are making such a "sacrifice" giving up all the beautiful/sexy women of the world for her. Shouldn't she know how valued she is, because he says no to all the women he really wants sexually for her. They call that love. I do think this is what is going on a lot of the time. Women are turned on when they know they were the chosen one, each and every time. That can't happen in marriage where she is just the consolation prize.