There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
None of us wants to think about our partner cheating. Certainly not before it happens. But taking the time to learn how to stop cheating is one of the best ways to prevent cheating from ever happening in our relationship.
Like everything else, prevention is so much easier than reacting after cheating's happened and trying to recover. Affairs are one of the most difficult events for couples to recover from. It's not impossible, and I've helped many do it, but it's a really tough road and it's so much better to never let cheating occur in the first place.
How we stop cheating is by never giving it a chance to start. The couple I'm counseling in the marriage I describe below planted the seeds for her to cheat years before the cheating ever started. When these partners stopped making the effort to love each other, and they both did this, the opportunity for cheating began.
This is a post I wrote on social media about how cheating starts, but it also shows how to stop cheating too.
This couple didn't know it, but they stopped doing the most important factor in how to stop cheating -- loving each other. This is never a one-time event (like forgetting your anniversary) and most often not even a conscious decision. Rather, slowly over time partners make less and less of an effort to love each other.
We can stop cheating before it even has a chance to start just by focusing on loving our partner. Not once in a while, not just on holidays and special occasions, nor only when they deserve it, but daily. When we're feeding our relationship with love, cheating never has a chance to start.
This may seem like a "no duh" answer to how to stop cheating. Yet the most common reason people have affairs is because they're not getting their needs met by their partner. There can be a lot more to why people cheat than just this, but after you shift through it all it still comes back to the basic ingredient that all relationships need -- partners loving each other.
Please share your thoughts on how to stop cheating by leaving a comment on this post below. I'd like to hear what you think, and if you have more ideas about how we can stop cheating, please share them.
I post relationship and self-improvement tips like the one above weekly on Facebook and Twitter. Check them out.
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Hi smith if you want to change my post and Iget JUST for me. I don't have any problem.
If the reasons people cheat were so simplistic like boredom or needs not met than infidelity wouldn't be as common as it is because those are pretty obvious issues to confront. I think it's combination of reasons, a sort of perfect storm. One of the previous comments hits on something I agree with: character issues. Don't ALL married people have empty voids that are not filled by their partner or married life in general? But is it their partners responsibility to fill them? I strongly believe a core problem in relationships that end up victims of infidelity is how proactive each partner is in sharing? Do they sacrifice things that matter to them in order to help their partner succeed in life both daily life and for the future without any concern for what they receive in return.
Kurt, how important do you think sacrificing and sharing is in relationships?
Orlando, Yes, I agree that sacrificing and sharing in a relationship are both very important. Also, that it's not the spouses job to fill our empty voids -- they can help, but they cannot do it all. Good comment. Thanks for sharing it.
Kurt, I had an emotional affair some time ago. There have been many difficulties healing from that. I was on the site recently and read a question of do you introduce your wife as your wonderful or beautiful wife. I thought it was on the quiz but is not. I cannot find it. My wife believes when I asked her if I ever did that I was comparing to the affair. I really would like to find it to prove I was talking specifically about her.
Ive been married 35 years. I cheated at 4 years into my marriage. I also had a child out of the affair. I chose to stay with my husband after the affair. I do agree that even now. My husband is emotionally absent in this marriage. He doesn't think I'm worthy of recognition. Skips Important things like Christmas & Birthdays ect. Never plans any thing special for us. Watches tv excessively. Very lonely marriage. And is also mean to me all the time. When you do live this kind of marriage it is easier to look some place else. He is like living with my enemy. We are separated right now. Because of his anger. But i feel our marriage is doomed. Sad but true.