Do all men really want a younger woman? Learn more here.
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Know any narcissists? There’s a good chance you do, and chances are they’re probably men. Narcissism is a trait most frequently seen in men. In fact, because narcissistic men are somewhat common, most of us have at least a vague idea of what narcissistic behavior traits in men look like.
Men aren’t the only ones who display narcissistic behavioral traits though - women can too. Narcissistic mothers, for example, are one female version.
In fact, a young, engaged couple I was counseling this week is struggling mightily with his mother’s out-of-control narcissism and the impact she’s having on their wedding planning and currently “on-hold” marriage.
But while women certainly can be narcissistic, the majority of narcissists tend to be men, and their behavior can be very damaging not only to themselves, but particularly to those that love them.
This means that learning how to recognize the traits associated with narcissistic behavior is crucial.
Narcissistic behavior can be described as ‘It’s all about me’ syndrome.’
People who have narcissistic traits tend not to do anything that doesn’t somehow benefit them. Even seemingly altruistic behavior usually has the ulterior motive of making them look good or gaining something.
To illustrate this point, take a look at a social media post I wrote about recognizing narcissistic traits in someone you love.
As a counselor who specializes in working with men, I can give you some direct and actionable advice on how to spot narcissistic behavior traits in men.
The number one narcissistic behavior trait, in my experience, is,
Sound familiar?
Even things they’ve clearly and deliberately done are somehow your fault.
For instance, consider the man who has an affair and blames his wife.
If you had been better in bed, more loving, more interested, etc. I wouldn’t have had to turn to another woman.”
Or the man who verbally abuses his wife.
If you weren’t so stupid, we’d have a better life.”
There are additional traits that are also common to narcissistic men. These behaviors may manifest in different ways depending upon the skill of the narcissist, but they’re all almost always present.
Among them are,
Narcissistic men have an inflated sense of importance and surround themselves with people who feed that feeling.
They need to feel,
Men who relationship hop or change jobs regularly can be narcissists, and behave this way to feed their self-esteem and maintain a feeling of importance and value.
These men also typically exaggerate their accomplishments and abilities. It’s always the “my fish was bigger than your fish” story until the fish eventually becomes a whale.
Notice the theme in all these behaviors?
It’s some form of, ‘It’s all about me.’
Relationships with narcissistic men are notoriously unhealthy.
For a narcissist the relationship typically only has value if it’s making him look good or giving him someone to blame for his mistakes or inadequacies.
Of course, they don’t see it in those terms.
Instead, a narcissist will insist that his behavior is a form of love and rely on blaming you for any problems that exist.
Common symptoms of dealing with a narcissist, especially when you're in a relationship with one, is that you,
These symptoms result from a couple of the behavior traits listed in the ‘Narcissist’s Toolbox’ shown above.
One of the worst and more extreme results of being involved with a narcissist is experiencing abuse.
People with narcissistic traits often resort to being emotionally or verbally abusive in response to their own shortcomings. This can arise from their need to blame someone else in order to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.
This doesn’t mean that all abusers are narcissists, but it’s not uncommon for narcissists to become abusers.
Do narcissists consciously act this way?
Yes and no.
Be careful not to try to analyze 'why' a person is a narcissist, because the reasons are often very psychologically complicated (read more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder). All you really have to understand is the damage these behaviors have on others and the narcissist themselves.
Narcissism is a tricky trait to spot right away. Many narcissists are charismatic and able to draw you into their world before you’ve had a chance to accurately evaluate their behavior and recognize the tale-tell narcissistic traits.
But generally, it doesn't take long for a narcissistic leopard to show his spots.
Remember,
If you recognize these narcissistic behavior traits in a man you love, or maybe even yourself, get some professional mental health counseling help. Narcissism isn't impossible to change, but it can be nearly impossible to bring about those changes on your own.
Looking over this list of narcissistic behaviors, do you recognize these in anyone you know? If so, please share your experience in the comments below so we all can benefit from learning about more signs of narcissism.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published on January 18, 2014 updated on September 22, 2020 and updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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I got blamed for everything. I started to think maybe it is my fault. I think this is my husbands behavior.
I was in a 4 yr relationship with a man that had more than a few traits of narcissism. The one that hurt the most was his cheating. The women he cheated with were the less fortunate, drug abusers and generally came from broken homes and themselves were broken. With them he was in complete control and he felt superior as if they we lucky to be with him and were quite subservient. When they started to see the real him and question why were they with him, he dumped them and went to the next. This was the most painful experience of my life and took about 2 yrs until I finally felt "normal" again. My suggestion is get out before you have zero self worth. they will never change...Thank you
Sorry to hear that and sorry you had to deal with that. Can you tell me if you guys started off as an affair or a regular relationship?
I also got blamed for anything going wrong. But although it's absolutely NOT my fault, I have still thought it's MY FAULT: not be able to control the situation. As soon as I could get hold of why he behaved so, things were safe and sound between us!
I have just recently went through a relationship where he cheated on me and he and I have tried to work on it since and he is always telling me it's my fault. I did see someone while we were apart and I did not tell him we were sleeping together.... but we were apart. He also appeared at this guys house while I was there to beg and plead that we get back together. This is all very stressful for me. He has a way of knowing where I am at all times.... I love him and still find myself wanting to be with him. He is Muslim and I am not. This has been a source of contention and I have actually lookied at converting.... now that we are no longer together I feel lost without him. this has been going on for 3 years. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciatied.... Even a shared story.
Hello Sarah. I can see myself in you, I am older now but none the wiser, instead I have become just the opposite, I am now the abuser! I am miserable & I would never want someone to feel the way I do! I am a hollow person that has difficulty accepting love from anyone, I trust no one & I live in a state of paranoria & anxitey, these traits make me a miserable person to be around because I have not healed from the damage he did to me. It took almost losing my life (by my own hands) in 2013 to wake me up! I stayed in a relationship for 22 years with a man like yours. Please get out & don't look back. That's the best advice I could give.
Wow,just heard about this and i was amazed. Thanks for the info.
I have been married for 14 years but we have been a couple for almost 20. We have a 12-year-old son. We are older parents, we were 45 when our son was born. We have been separated for almost 2 years. My husband has been an alcoholic since he started drinking at the age of 14. He said he was "hooked" after his first drink. He also told me he would quit when our son was born. He did not, instead, his drinking worsened, as did his behavior. He also has Narcissist Personality Disorder. He was a good husband until the day our son was born. He discarded me emotionally on that day and our son became his entire focus. I was so hurt and confused, and when I tried to talk to him about this he told me I was crazy. That is one of his favorite things to tell me. I kept trying to make the marriage better, he did not. He had not just "checked out" of our marriage, but began a secret life without me and when he was home his behavior was unpredictable and cruel. It still is, as I am financially dependent on him and he has used that as a weapon. I am not just emotionally devastated, but my health has suffered. Of course, his total lack of empathy has always been hurtful, and now he treats me with contempt and disgust. He has turned his family against me and my own family has distanced themselves, because they think I should have divorced him the moment I found out he had been unfaithful. I also told them about how he had treated me for all those years. I had never told them because I didn't want them to dislike him. I can barely function. I have been like this since the day I found texts to one of the other women he has been with, and there have been many. I am in a daze, frozen with the fear of being alone. I am "damaged goods". He gave me a permanent disease years ago. I never thought he would be unfaithful. I put up with all of his ugly behavior for all of those years by reminding myself that "at least he's been faithful," but he had not. My world ended with that knowledge. He has been angrier since I found out. I guess it made it harder for him to date, hook-up, join dating sites, etc. I am destroyed. I no longer exist. I just try to get through the day. I have no hope. He wants a divorce. He has taken all of our assets and my son and I barely get by. He has made sure that I will live in poverty. I have given up. I am barely adequate as a mother as I no longer feel joy. I was discarded like trash. He is a Narcissist alcoholic and I am nothing, by his design.
I feel your pain tho my time has not been as lengthy with my narc husband but our despair seems the same. The best advice I can offer is burn that bridge bury your pain and get back to your own identity. Pray earnestly for healing and most importantly forgive him and free up that space where he consumes all of your energy. Began again because you can even at your age!!! Move out of the Victim stage and into the Thrived stage!! God Bless you!
Dear afraid of change, if you read this please let me know if you are still with him. I filed for divorce today after 27 years and a 15-year-old son. Your story is parallel with my life including my family is family, the financial control,
Why are you giving another person so much control over your life?You are responsible for your own happeniss. You are responsible for your own life...your self esteem is very low.you need to start loving yourself..if you don't love yourself...don't expect anyone to love you..they will treat you like crap...stop having a pity party..and take charge of your own life.forget that loser husband
Just surprised how alike our story is💔 You are not alone and stronger than you know! Lean into God and find your joy again! We can do this💖🙏