Do all men really want a younger woman? Learn more here.
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Know any narcissists? There’s a good chance you do, and chances are they’re probably men. Narcissism is a trait most frequently seen in men. In fact, because narcissistic men are somewhat common, most of us have at least a vague idea of what narcissistic behavior traits in men look like.
Men aren’t the only ones who display narcissistic behavioral traits though - women can too. Narcissistic mothers, for example, are one female version.
In fact, a young, engaged couple I was counseling this week is struggling mightily with his mother’s out-of-control narcissism and the impact she’s having on their wedding planning and currently “on-hold” marriage.
But while women certainly can be narcissistic, the majority of narcissists tend to be men, and their behavior can be very damaging not only to themselves, but particularly to those that love them.
This means that learning how to recognize the traits associated with narcissistic behavior is crucial.
Narcissistic behavior can be described as ‘It’s all about me’ syndrome.’
People who have narcissistic traits tend not to do anything that doesn’t somehow benefit them. Even seemingly altruistic behavior usually has the ulterior motive of making them look good or gaining something.
To illustrate this point, take a look at a social media post I wrote about recognizing narcissistic traits in someone you love.
As a counselor who specializes in working with men, I can give you some direct and actionable advice on how to spot narcissistic behavior traits in men.
The number one narcissistic behavior trait, in my experience, is,
Sound familiar?
Even things they’ve clearly and deliberately done are somehow your fault.
For instance, consider the man who has an affair and blames his wife.
If you had been better in bed, more loving, more interested, etc. I wouldn’t have had to turn to another woman.”
Or the man who verbally abuses his wife.
If you weren’t so stupid, we’d have a better life.”
There are additional traits that are also common to narcissistic men. These behaviors may manifest in different ways depending upon the skill of the narcissist, but they’re all almost always present.
Among them are,
Narcissistic men have an inflated sense of importance and surround themselves with people who feed that feeling.
They need to feel,
Men who relationship hop or change jobs regularly can be narcissists, and behave this way to feed their self-esteem and maintain a feeling of importance and value.
These men also typically exaggerate their accomplishments and abilities. It’s always the “my fish was bigger than your fish” story until the fish eventually becomes a whale.
Notice the theme in all these behaviors?
It’s some form of, ‘It’s all about me.’
Relationships with narcissistic men are notoriously unhealthy.
For a narcissist the relationship typically only has value if it’s making him look good or giving him someone to blame for his mistakes or inadequacies.
Of course, they don’t see it in those terms.
Instead, a narcissist will insist that his behavior is a form of love and rely on blaming you for any problems that exist.
Common symptoms of dealing with a narcissist, especially when you're in a relationship with one, is that you,
These symptoms result from a couple of the behavior traits listed in the ‘Narcissist’s Toolbox’ shown above.
One of the worst and more extreme results of being involved with a narcissist is experiencing abuse.
People with narcissistic traits often resort to being emotionally or verbally abusive in response to their own shortcomings. This can arise from their need to blame someone else in order to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.
This doesn’t mean that all abusers are narcissists, but it’s not uncommon for narcissists to become abusers.
Do narcissists consciously act this way?
Yes and no.
Be careful not to try to analyze 'why' a person is a narcissist, because the reasons are often very psychologically complicated (read more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder). All you really have to understand is the damage these behaviors have on others and the narcissist themselves.
Narcissism is a tricky trait to spot right away. Many narcissists are charismatic and able to draw you into their world before you’ve had a chance to accurately evaluate their behavior and recognize the tale-tell narcissistic traits.
But generally, it doesn't take long for a narcissistic leopard to show his spots.
Remember,
If you recognize these narcissistic behavior traits in a man you love, or maybe even yourself, get some professional mental health counseling help. Narcissism isn't impossible to change, but it can be nearly impossible to bring about those changes on your own.
Looking over this list of narcissistic behaviors, do you recognize these in anyone you know? If so, please share your experience in the comments below so we all can benefit from learning about more signs of narcissism.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published on January 18, 2014 updated on September 22, 2020 and updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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Hi, I thought I had met n fell in love with with a man of my dreams instead I was destroyed little by little and had no idea what was happening to me. All of sudden I've found myself scared to do anything or talk to anyone in fear I would be accused of cheating. He wanted to see my bank account and divorce papers, I was told I was fat, lazy and up his butt all the time, whore, b***h and if Ppl really knew how I was they wouldn't like me. All this rage came out of the blue after living with him for 4 months, I had no idea what I did wrong that day when the switch got flipped. Now three years later I've moved out but I'm damage. I didn't know what npd was till I seen a small article in the newspaper about mental health and a list of narcissistic traits...I couldn't believe what I was reading. But I weak... He has destroyed me completely....personally, finically, sexually, my mind!!! He tell me that we are going somewhere for the weekend only if he thinks I'm worthy of it or I have to earn it. If I asked him a question, his reply "I haven't decided yet" or "cause I can", If he yelled n called me names never sorry, he didn't do anything wrong. He would never give me compliment on anything. But his cooking, what he looked like or did was always beyond the best. Just ask him!!! I was told everyday I didn't do what he ask of me is taking away his happiness. It all about his financial, sexual, status, how good he looks, how good he is n ect..... Im willing to help you n others. I've learned a lot about myself through this journey. I'm still in the first stage of healing. I have so much I could share, it's so hard to wrap my head around what has happened. I want "Me" back!! I want to know I'm not crazy or losing it. Sorry it's so long
I have a 38 year old son and just now realizes what was wrong with him, he don't like me his mother, he thinks he is better than me, live I the same town and don't come to my house or talk to me, my parents left a trust for me when they died, when they read the trust and said it was To go to me, he look at me and said I hate you, he is still trying to control my money, dont want me to have nothing, don't never talk to me but wants to control me,he and does anything he wants has always belittle me finally after 12 year of this i got a lawyer and takeing and showing him he ain't controlling me and what I do or spend, I can't take his arrogant belittling, hurtful contoling son anymore,
I suspect my husband has this. He always feels he is right, wants to control things, blames me when I express hurt by his actions. He has filed divorce on me, moved out of state, cheated, lied, abused my finances, emotions and mental health. I no longer want this pain. He needs to go. He tried manipulating me and our marriage counselor 2 years ago. He seems to love his disorder.
I have mixed emotions, saddened to discover my husband appears to have a great many narcissistic traits, yet relieved there appears to be an answer for his unreasonable and unacceptable behaviour. I too thought he was very confident, self-assured, successful and so on and so forth and fell entirely for this wonderful man. With the passing of time, it became quite apparent that at times he isn't so confident, has low self-esteem and is insecure. Sadly, he spends much of his life, moaning, criticising, complaining, talking people down, is very, very negative, delights in belittling me....so sad, so unnecessary. It's like he's hit the self destruct button and there's no way back. As a child he was overlooked, had little love, attention, guidance and support from his parents and is constantly seeking attention, expecting the best, nothing others do is ever good enough or to his exacting high standards; he is very controlling, has a very high opinion of himself, believes he makes his employees lives possible, my life possible and without him I'd be nothing - thankfully, I know that not to be the case, other than yes, financially life would be a challenge, but hey I'd get by. Yet, flip that coin and he's loving, kind, caring, generous with a big heart and we have oodles in common. I have no doubt even I have narcissistic tendencies too, thankfully believe they are at a 'normal' level. It's all only come to realisation today and feel bereft by it all. However, have no doubt I'll pick myself up and dust myself down. I now need to look forward and find some guidance on how to manage living with a narcissist and what I can do to help me.
How does someone admit that they need help when they are never wrong? How do you help the children involved in these relationships when the dealing out of fault starts falling on the children and this person has you thinking that you are the one losing your mental faculties?