Counseling Men Blog

Advice for men – and the women who love them!

The Secret Of What Turns Women On About Men

Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC
June 21, 2014

what-about-men-turns-women-on.jpgMost guys believe what turns women on about men is . . . being tall and good looking, having big muscles and six-pack abs, hair on our heads, and definitely having a big house, fancy car and the financial means to give them whatever they want. Wrong - this maybe true for some women, but not for most.

What turns women on about men is not so obvious nor is it something you can buy. It's not something some guys have and others don't. It doesn't even require special skills or good fortune. It's something every guy can do and can start doing anytime.

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Here's the secret . . . women get turned on by men by our behavior. Here's a social media post I wrote that will start to give you an idea about what I mean.

how-to-know-what-turns-women-on

how-to-know-what-turns-women-on-2

There's a very important point is this post: Guys often complain to me about not getting enough sex. But they miss (really ignore) the connection between their behavior and their partner's lack of desire to have sex with them.

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Here's a real life example of how men can turn women on: A woman I was counseling this week told me about a time when her husband stood up in a board meeting and took a stand on an issue that was important to her. She said she was so turned on that she texted him during the meeting that he'd be getting a special sexual favor from her later that night. This is a guy who's in counseling with me partly because he struggles to show his wife that she's important to him and he loves her. But when he did, look at her response.

What turns women on about men is our behavior.

  • How do we treat her? Are we respectful, considerate, and loving towards her?
  • Do we prioritize her? Do our actions show she's important to us?
  • Are we responsible, reliable, and do what we tell her we'll do?
  • Do our actions build trust?

These things don't require a lot of money, hours in the gym, or a different genetic make-up. They do require effort though. There's only one Brad Pitt, but every guy can do what turns women on about men by choosing the right behavior (here are more ideas on ways to turn her on).

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Come on guys, let's stop complaining about not getting enough sex and making excuses for our bad behavior. We all can do a better job at what really turns women on about men.

What did you think of this post? If you found it helpful, check out the topics on the bottom of this page, you can also get notified each time there's a new post by signing-up below too, or follow me on Facebook or Twitter where I post weekly relationship and self-improvement tips just like this.

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Read Comments from Others with Similar Experiences - Click 'View full post' below or scroll down

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14 comments on “The Secret Of What Turns Women On About Men”

  1. Alex, Sorry to hear your wife left. You're right that there can be other factors that can override this truth. Thanks for sharing. -Kurt

  2. Alex #2, Glad to hear you're seeing the fruit of treating her this way. Now be sure to keep it up if she becomes your girlfriend or more. -Kurt

  3. For me, my husband has I been working so hard on his outside(he looks great) but there's no inside. I don't know him! He's in top shape of his life. He's 50, had a hair transplant and is so focused on not getting old that he's missing everything going on around him. After 26 years of marriage, we are calling it quits. I've been waiting for him to see how lonely it is here in this life I live with him, but being self absorbed has taken his toll. I've only wanted real attention and time from him. Oh and the fact that 4 years ago he told me he had a porn addiction for 10 years. Has made me question everything. Trust is a huge factor here and I can't get past the betrayal. Now I see him trying to hurry ending this. He's very in love with his physical self and we aren't even separated and he has stopped wearing his ring. It's hard to say I love him still after all of this and the lies.

  4. I really like this entire site and the chance it gives as a safe outlet and confirmation of feelings that some people may never get. My first marriage was nearly 7 years of ups and downs and I will never forget the pain and hopeless feeling of seeing her treat me subhuman and disrespect my entire identity. Truthfully, I knew all the times where I myself compensated for her misconducts and forgave infidelity for the kids sake. Long time friends say it was like watching me fight a cancer. Once i finally admitted to myself we were not meant to be, all new issues arose. I know i seem to be very vague and perhaps that itself is a coping mechanism. Fast forwarding 4 years later I find myself in a relationship of deep value. Our lives blended in mostly healthy ways and yet like most marriages we have our own strife and can't seem to beat them on our own. I am starting to see how we form patterns and the outcomes. She and I have a long road in life a head of us. Some days I can't gather myself to stand strong in her weaknesses of anger issues. I tell her that I want to treat each person with respect and be faithful knowing each person can have a say without fear of being hurt as the cycle tends to be. Luckily no physical damage is exchanged but enough emotional damage to last a long time. She explained its hard for her to feel i deserve the things i ask for such as resspect as a man, her friend, and not someone in competition. I have strived to show her accpetance and commitment after infidelity. But i never saw it coming and this is the 2nd time ive dealt with this. This time the situation is different and I feel if we can be direct and find consistency we may be ok.....she can never admit guilt, responsibility or sometimes memory of her actions, shes diagnosed bipolar, is there a special therapist for stubborn people lime us?

    1. Johann, This must be very difficult for you. Infidelity is very hard to work through on your own. You can't help her with her anger issues, she needs to do that on her own. I specialize in counseling for men and their issues. If you would like to reach out, I do counseling & coaching by phone, Skype, and Google Hangout. You can learn more by clicking the Services link at the top of this page. -Kurt

  5. both parties (man and women) don't take time out to understand what is
    takes to be a man/women, most of us think we know but are totally wrong! we simply wired differently. men are more visual and women are more on the emotional side. with that been said i really think both genders should take time out and seek knowledge on the respective topic. i bet i whole lot of confusion, heart arch, pain and anger will be avoided.

    1. Oh yes women are visual. Men just say and write this lie so often enough that women buy it.
      Men place the lie, all over the Internet and everywhere else. Its a power of suggestion tactic so women will fall for it, and guess what? Women fall for it.
      All humans enjoy looking at sights around them. Sorry guys, it's not just you all who enjoy looking, it's just that men set up our world where women provide images for men's satisfaction.
      But the same male controlled society, doesn't provide anything carnal for females to look at.

      Get men to pose nude and wear skimpy clothing that shows the print of their body's parts, so women can have somethings to look at.

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