Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
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Menopause is so commonly associated with women that any suggestion that men can go through it as well must be a joke, right?
Wrong.
Male menopause symptoms are real though.
Before we go any further, let’s be clear for those who will challenge this – the term menopause when applied to men is actually a misnomer. Menopause refers to the cessation of menstruation in women. And since men don’t menstruate, they don’t experience biological menopause.
However, men do go through similar age-related changes around the same time women experience menopause. Hence the name and reference to menopause symptoms in men.
Most articles on symptoms of male menopause focus on the physiological signs like,
What are equally or often even more important are the psychological and behavioral signs.
Most people don’t realize there’s a problem with the man in their life until extreme behavior arises, such as –
Behaviors that often are labeled a male midlife crisis can be brought on by male menopause.
Many male menopause symptoms are simply the normal signs of aging. While they can be challenging to accept, they don't have to be huge problems. What typically makes them become a big problem is how a man responds to these changes.
Male menopause, which is clinically known as andropause, is the result of lower testosterone production that occurs in men typically between the ages of 40 and 55. This results in a life stage transition similar to menopause in women, and encompasses,
I’ve heard the partners of men experiencing this hormone change say things like,
One woman even said her husband seemed "downright bitchy.”
A critical symptom, as well as result of these changes, is a depression element in men that fuels the chaotic behavior that can accompany this life change.
Common symptoms of male menopause include:
I believe my husband of 25 years is going through a midlife crisis. He has filed for divorce. He came home one day and said he's not happy and hasn't been for several years. This was a shock to me, I thought everything was fine. He has been moved out for 4 months, he won't talk about our marriage or our past, he gets mad if I bring it up. I ask him how can you erase the 25 years we had, and he shuts me out. He said he needs to find happiness and peace within himself. He is 54 years old and I believe his childhood has a lot to do with this. How am I supposed to go on with life without the man I love so much? My heart is broken! Why does the wife, the one that has always been there to support, comfort and love him dearly get the blame for this? Please help me to understand!!" -Lily
Lily is right – it does sound like her husband is going through a midlife crisis.
However, it's also very likely that male menopause was one of the triggers for it.
While there are testosterone replacement treatments and antidepressants that could help, they don’t usually fully address the psychological and behavioral responses to this aging process that can be so destructive.
Remember, this is a normal course of aging. Most women and other men get through it without such severe reactions.
The hardest part of male menopause is the confusing, chaotic, and extreme symptoms.
So much of the psychological and behavioral reactions to it like,
Just further complicate and amplify the experience for everyone involved. It's not uncommon for there to be so many different symptoms that it's hard to know what the real problem is and what to address first.
Here are 2 more real-life examples:
I've read your blog on midlife transitions and crisis and believe this is what is occurring with my husband for the past 3+ years - we've experience much pain an affair with a coworker 13 years younger, the waffling back and forth to her and our marriage and family, the ILYBNILWY ("I love you but not IN love with you"), blaming the moving and returning, confusion, frustration, secretive, desire to be happy, and now depression with confusion and I'm not one to say our marriage life was perfect prior. We both had much maturing to do and I have done a lot of self reflecting of my own. I think I've done much wrong in my reactions and trying to get a better grasp of were to go from here..setting clear boundaries and detachment. He's in individual therapy and antidepressants but is frustrated and not sure if he likes his therapist and continues to say he just wants to be happy." -Vivian
Vivian's husband has a lot of classic male menopause symptoms:
Ironically, it's not just the man who feels this way. It’s equally as likely that his partner feels similarly as they go through it with him.
I am pretty sure my husband is going through midlife crisis cause he is either always saying he hates his job and accuses me of cheating, he gets angry a lot, freaks out a lot, makes me cry at times, but I don't know how else to help him. I give him space by me going out to bingo two sometime 3 times a week and when I do go he gets pissed off that I am not at home with him. Its like he wants his space but wants me there at same time." -Luna
Most men have become accustomed to wading through a woman’s hormonal waves and the changing behavior that can result. From PMS to pregnancy to menopause, men are aware that a woman’s mood and behavior can be affected by her biology at different times.
Women, on the other hand, haven’t really been taught to recognize the equivalent in men. So, when a man goes through changes that are the result of fluctuating hormones and aging, many women don’t have any idea how to handle it.
What does that mean?
Most often what it means is big problems in a relationship.
When behavior is unexpected, unwanted, and unexplained, alarm bells go off. That can be a good thing if it means help is sought and attained.
Unfortunately, the more typical reaction is for women to assume,
Male menopause doesn’t go away in the sense that it reverses itself or that the symptoms just disappear.
Because it’s caused by age related changes in hormones, the symptoms of male menopause will persist, although the intensity in which they’re experienced should lessen. Just like menopause experienced by women, however, there are ways to manage the symptoms and lessen the negative effects.
Are all common and easy(ish) ways to control the effects.
Some men also take supplemental testosterone, but that must be done under a physician’s care because there can be serious complications if not done correctly.
Perhaps more effective than taking hormones is seeking the support of a counselor who specializes in men and can provide tools for managing symptoms that will be effective long-term.
Understanding the changes a man can experience during male menopause can help both a man and his partner handle things more effectively.
If you’re noticing changes in your husband and wondering what’s going on, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Ladies, as much as you want and expect your man to understand you, he really wants (and needs) the same from you.
It’s clear that male menopause symptoms are real, varied, and can be hard to deal with. And it's certainly no joke.
This normal life stage can trigger a search for happiness, peace, and purpose in men that often has been repressed for a long time. The good news is that it's fixable. Although it usually requires professional help from someone who's been down this road before.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 27, 2021 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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Hi please help the love of my life is 50 and I hate the clique of 'mid life crisis' but he is changing he started a job as a care assistant and the issues started about 3 months ago he never listens to me anymore he doesn't do the lovely little things he used to do like goodnight text messages etc this may seem silly but they meant so much to both of us at one time. he has never ever wore aftershave/eau de toilet and has never wanted to and made a point when we first got together to let me know that he doesn't wear it and the other day I found 2 bottles of Armani spray and 1 bottle of hugo boss i took the aftershave sprays to my flat and he doesn't know that I have it he said out of he blue that he had forgotten that he has a bottle of armani aftershave omg that made it 4 lots of aftershave he said that he bought it 10 years ago but it was not there 2 weeks ago he is lying to and he argued with me and i let it drop but i'm so unhappy and don't know what to do he is not the same man i fell in love with he dismisses my attempts to sort out these issues he just says that I am moaning or ruining everything. Please help
Hi, I have been informed that my husband, 54 has been having a secret affair with another women in another state (he is a truck driver) for 3 yrs (non-sexual as he can not perform due to medication and lack of blood flow. We have been together for 27, married 24 and have 3 kids. He can not give me a reason why and tells me I wont live alone and live without him. He loves what we have and our children. But still he says I love you, but he's not in love with me. I can't imagine life without him - please help
Hi Kathryn, This sounds like a very complicated and painful situation. Marriages go through ups and downs and it requires work to keep the love alive. It sounds like your husband still feels love for you and that's a very good thing. You two would benefit from working with a marriage counselor to understand how to better communicate, reconnect, and rediscover the love you shared. There is hope, but it will take work on both your parts and a redefined commitment to your marriage. All my best. -Dr. Kurt
Going through a midlife crisis