What should I do if I think I Am Falling Out Of Love? Learn what it takes to stop Falling Out Of Love, feel in-love again and have a happy relationship.
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Most advice on how to make him want you is going to focus on your appearance and sexuality. Lose weight, get a breast enlargement or false eye lashes, be willing to have more sex. But the reason, or more likely reasons, he doesn't want you are usually much more complicated.
Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of using sex as a way to measure the status of their relationship. When their partner loses interest in sex they take that to mean they've lost interest in them. As a result, it's easy to think that how you make him want you is all about how you look.
It’s actually not.
We have been together for about 6 years and I feel he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. I have given birth to 4 children so I know my body doesn't look like it used to but I have gained about 25 pounds and I now weight 150 so I know I'm pretty big. We had a baby about 6 months ago and have had sex once. He tells me that married couples don't have sex very much but I think that's his excuse because he isn't attracted to me. I have caught him so many times looking at pretty girls and then when I see him do it and say something he pretends he didn't even see her walk past so now I don't even say anything but it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. It's got as bad as me changing in the bathroom with the door closed so he can't see me." -Brittany
While wanting him to want you can easily be understood as wanting you sexually, there's a lot more to it than that. It might surprise some men, but most women (as Brittany shows) do actually want to have sex (just not always as frequently).
But being wanted is comprised of much more than just sex. Wanting to be wanted describes:
A woman I counseled last week is beyond frustrated that her husband will hug his sister, but not her. He spends the weekends helping his parents, but when he's home doesn't help her with anything, even with the kids. He texts and talks to friends and family daily, but not her.
When your partner prioritizes everyone and everything else above you it leaves you wondering what you have to do to make him:
Often the feeling of not being wanted starts far before any opportunity for sex arises. As a couple there should be an intrinsic desire to work together on building your lives. This includes repetitive day-to-day tasks, like caring for the kids and household chores.
When it feels like your partner has no interest in this aspect of your lives and relationship it also feels like they have no interest in you. In other words, it makes you feel like you’re not wanted.
The fallout from this breakdown in partnership is that you each begin to grow apart from one another. The emotional distance created directly impacts the physical desire for each other. Pretty soon there’s no intimacy, no real desire, and you’re left wondering what you can do to make him want you again. He may even wonder what he can do to make you want him.
Before you can answer the question of 'how' to make him want you, you've got to first answer of 'why' doesn't he want you. Here are a few places to start to think about that men tell me are reasons why they lose interest in their partner:
Sometimes one or several of these things can be a ticking time bomb in a man that finally goes off. Typically, it's a combination of several of the above factors.
Here's another woman who feels her guy doesn't want her because he has no interest in sex:
His interest in sex has just kept decreasing...and when we do have sex it is no foreplay or his interest literally dies...I have tried lingerie, hints, waking him up to sexual favors and even straight out saying "I want you now!"...Sometimes I will get a "let me take some insulin and gimme an hour" or "I'm too busy" I am lucky if I get it 3 times a month! Now this is hard on me because I am very sexual (only 25) and I feel he should be (only 29!!) yet foreplay is gone, I can not remember my last orgasm...and when I do get sex it is him pounding away for 1-15 minutes and then I am left wanting more and all he wants to do is return to the PC..." -Evette
The 'how' to make him want you is dependent upon the 'what' of what is turning him off. It will probably take some time to figure this completely out, but most likely you already have some ideas. So, here's where to start:
The answer to how to make him want you looks different for each relationship. However, I've discussed some of the most common factors and I hope they help you discover what's gone wrong in your relationship.
Please leave a comment below and share with us what your relationship looks like if you’re in the same boat of wanting to make him want you.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Jan 13, 2017 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
What should I do if I think I Am Falling Out Of Love? Learn what it takes to stop Falling Out Of Love, feel in-love again and have a happy relationship.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
Many husbands (and wives) are not "in love" with their partners any longer.
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Hi Kurt,
I've been married to my wife for 3 & 1/2 years and we have 2 kids together (4&2)
We had a little arguement about nothing really and she said she feels as if we've grown apart and is unsure if she's in love with me or loves me.
I work 2 day shifts and 2 night shifts then get 3 days off, my wife works full time and has to work a late shift 1 night a week.
She has said things haven't been right for 2 years and she's been trying, this is the first I knew about it as she didn't mention it in the past.
I've been trying to make things better as I know I may have neglected the little things towards her with trying to start my own business as well as working shifts.
I've since found out she's been messaging one of her former work friends with pictures etc for the last 6-8 weeks. She said there's nothing in it they just get on really well but he's opened her eyes that she may want something else,He is also married.
My wife has told me that she can't forget the issues from the past 2 years which she has said I didn't help enough with the kids when they were babies, I don't like her body (I love her body) and I've not wanted to have sex (I always wanted to have sex but she would turn me down).
She has told me she's stopped messaging the guy so we try to work on our relationship.
My wife's told me to calm down towards her as she feels I'm too OTT and it's as if I'm a different person from the last 2 years, it's just been a wake up call for me, I love my wife and want to make things work.
I've calmed things down, she has said she can't offer me a touchy relationship.
I've found out my wife has emailed the picture of the guy to her work email address so I asked her about it and said she needs it incase I bring it up legally, but by bringing it up I've put her right back to the start of how she felt with the issues I've listed in the past.
She's said about possibly trying marriage counselling and that we were getting on better as friends before I mentioned the email!
She's now said about possibly moving back to her mum & dads for a while but I really don't want that to happen.
Is there any advice you can give me please as I really love my wife and kids and want my marriage to work.
Thanks
Ben, Take a look at the articles under Cheating Spouse and Midlife Crisis to get a better idea of what's possibly going on and how to respond. Also go to counseling with or without her. You could suggest you guys go to work on how to coparent while all of this is going on. Sometimes if there isn't an expectation that you have to work on the relationship in counseling they're more willing to go. -Dr. Kurt
My husband and I have only been married 17 months. he told me recently that he is no longer in love with me. We think differently -- I am very optimistic and colorful (he referenced I am a rainbow spouting colors) and he is a realist black and white. Because we do not think the same and are on different wave lengths he is afraid of the future and when we need to make big decisions (like as of now putting our dog down due to a torn ACL). Further I do not challenge him. Our relationship has always been about working out and running races together and where we want to travel/explore next. We do not have intellectual conversations. I had no idea these were things he was needing. He does not want to work on this together. He is meeting with a counselor tomorrow which is a small step but it sounds like based on what may go down in the conversation that is what will be his deciding factor. I don't think he realizes that marriage is work and is hard at times.
Heather - I am exactly like you, an optimist, positive. Married to a Negative Ned. He cannot watch the news, go for a drive or even go to church without complaining about someone around us - how they drive, bumped his chair, etc. I tend to let most things slide. Life is too short to get upset over every little thing. We've struggled sexually for 6+ years now. He has little interest and when we do have sex he can barely keep an erection with me. He has a pornography addiction. I'm 9 years younger than him. I weight 60 lbs less than him, at about 135 lbs. I'm 5'6". Try to take good care and stay fit. I don't even try to buy lingerie anymore since he's even laughed at it. I've tried to ask what he wants or what I can do to fulfill him. I'm just not enough. He won't shower with me. We need serious help. I work full-time and carry the financial load. He was laid off in 2013 and since only held part-time work. I believe he is depressed, but now I'm starting to become depressed too. Ugh. We have 2 children, so I hate to drag them through something, and with the way porn is so prevalent, I'd probably just get stuck in the same crappy situation with anyone else I met.
I've been married almost 10 yrs. My husband was unable to consummate the marriage for several months. To this day he has only made love to me 7 times, I begged for 5 of them. He constantly gets angry, puts me down verbally and puts me in silence for up to 2 1/2 wks. A job took him out of state and he asked me to follow him 5 yrs ago which I did; hoping we would continue to work on the marriage. I have requested counseling, seminars, etc. No success. He says I have the problem and I make him not interested, but them he says he's never wanted sex. I'm confused!
I must mention that the day before we were married, his boss handed him a full background check on me and advised him not to marry me. When he shared the information, I asked him if he learned anything I had not already told him and I asked him if he trusted me. I said if he has questions or does not trust me, I did NOT want to marry the following day. He assured me that all was well and he had full trust in me and wanted to marry. He is not the man I dated and I am wanting out. I want to first of all do what God will. I am struggling with his abuse (no sex and verbal) and not wanting help. Do I have a Biblical stand to move on?
Hi, I have been married for 8months and my sex life has been horrible. Had sex like just 7 times . My husband said he is not into sex and also complains that I am an addict. I feel he is not attracted to me as he is always online and has a lot of female friends he chats up and looks up on social media. Please help. My marriage is falling