Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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There are some issues that pose a serious problem to relationships – porn is one of them. So, if your boyfriend is watching porn there are reasons you should care.
No matter how well you get along there will be things about your partner that bother you. If your relationship is strong then most of these things can be handled or a compromise found.
But porn is one of those embarrassing and divisive subjects that many partners find too uncomfortable to talk about.
A lot of people (predominately men) watch porn. And because it’s become largely normalized in society, there’s pressure to accept it as something that’s okay and no big deal.
The truth is, however, if your boyfriend is watching porn (or husband) it can cause a number of issues and being concerned about their habit is valid.
A strong relationship is built on love, trust, and respect. You each make yourselves vulnerable to one another and trust that you won’t intentionally hurt each other.
Unfortunately, we often do things unintentionally that can cause pain to our partner and break their trust. Watching porn is one of those things that your boyfriend could be doing that can hurt you and damage your relationship.
We all know that cheating on someone is a violation of trust and can destroy a relationship.
Many argue that watching porn isn’t the same thing as cheating, and therefore shouldn’t really pose a threat to a relationship in the same way.
One of the biggest problems with that argument is that although theoretically it seems logical, emotionally it falls short. Even though he hasn’t physically touched another woman, when your boyfriend watches porn it can feel just like he’s invited someone else into your relationship and bed.
If your boyfriend is watching porn and it feels like a betrayal of your trust, that feeling can follow you into other aspects of your relationship as well.
You may find yourself second guessing things like,
Those concerns can blossom into worries about possible cheating or affairs and lead to constant to arguing or fights.
These worries will ultimately drive a wedge further between you, leading to even bigger problems. Eventually these issues will compound and feel nearly impossible to overcome.
Most of the women in porn aren’t representative of what a normal and natural woman looks like.
Breast augmentations, lifts (breast and butt), fillers, or just an unusually well-proportioned body, can leave many normal women feeling inadequate and embarrassed about their own bodies.
These feelings are not only detrimental to women psychologically, but they’ll also have a negative effect on the closeness and intimacy within the relationship. Boyfriends who watch porn can leave their partners feeling hurt and as though they don’t really measure up and fulfill their real desires.
Intimacy is crucial to a healthy relationship, and porn will destroy it.
But because porn’s something that has such a common place in society it can feel like if you’re not okay with it then there’s something wrong with you. You may feel like a prude or like you’re being unreasonable by being bothered by it. Therefore, it often goes unaddressed, eventually causing distance in the relationship and resentment.
Porn sets up unrealistic expectations for what qualifies as normal sexual activity in bed.
The people in porn are paid to do things that are provocative, shocking, and extreme. The same way adventure movies show things that don’t occur in real life, like actors jumping off buildings and dodging bullets, porn shows behaviors that generally don’t occur in a typical sexual relationship.
Dr. Kurt has worked with many, many couples for whom porn has become a problem. He has seen the many problems porn can cause. According to him,
When your boyfriend watches porn it's actually like he's watching a twisted sex-ed film. But it doesn't lead to a healthy understanding of sex. And, sadly, porn is where most men learn about sex and how to be sexually intimate with a woman. Why is this a problem? The vast majority of porn is focused on pleasing the man, not both partners. It mostly portrays men's fantasies, not women's. Porn rewires the brain and produces a high similar to drugs like cocaine that is very addictive. Experiencing this high can become more desired and more important than being intimate with you. In other words, porn will replace you. You should care that your boyfriend watches porn because it will change him (or already has) and your relationship in ways that will deeply damage and even destroy it."
The point is that movies are fantasy - action-adventure, romcoms, and porn. But for some reason porn is often looked at like more of a documentary and watching it can create the desire for the things seen on the screen to occur in your real-life bed.
When those sexual escapades don’t happen, the repercussions can devastate a relationship. Women can feel inadequate, and men can develop a reliance on porn rather than their partner for sexual satisfaction.
All of this means that you should care and be concerned if your boyfriend is watching porn.
Porn is a very sensitive and personal topic. Whether you accept that your boyfriend watches porn is something only you can decide.
There are, however, reasons why you should care about his porn habit and think long and hard before you decide if it’s okay with you.
So, ask yourself the following questions:
People’s feelings about porn viewing vary widely. And within the opinions there are specific feelings people have about the place porn has in their relationship.
For instance, some women say they don’t care about porn in general, but they absolutely don’t want to watch it themselves or have a partner who watches it.
If you’re trying to decide if you should care that your boyfriend watches porn, take a minute to consider whether his watching truly bothers you. Remember, it’s okay if it does. There’s nothing wrong with feeling watching other people have sex isn’t for you and doesn’t belong in your relationship.
If it does bother you, does it bother you to the degree that you want (or need) him to stop?
As mentioned, there are things about any partner that will bug you but that you let slide.
Is porn one of them?
Keep in mind that even if it seems like no big deal right now, porn viewing can often chip away the intimacy and trust you’re trying to build.
If you want him to stop watching porn, being honest about your true feelings right away is important.
It won’t.
If you decide you don’t care that your boyfriend watches porn, know that it’s not one of those habits that he’ll eventually lose interest in.
In fact, his porn watching will likely just increase and can lead to addiction.
As time goes on and he becomes desensitized to certain images, he’ll start to look for things that are more and more extreme.
This can be a very slippery slope and you need to be prepared, because what you accept now may not be what you want to accept later.
So where do you draw the line?
If you decide that you really are bothered by porn and you would like him to stop, will he?
Porn can have a profound effect on a woman’s self-esteem and as mentioned above, take a serious toll on the trust and intimacy in a relationship.
If you express your feelings to your boyfriend, or husband, and ask him to stop, he should respect your feelings enough to do so.
Contrary to what some would believe, porn isn’t a solo activity and it’s not a hobby. It isn’t the same as asking him to stop gaming or give up running. His habit affects you directly and he should be willing to do what’s best for the two of you as a couple.
Be careful to be completely honest with yourself. Women in newer relationships will often claim that porn doesn’t bother them. This can be especially true of younger women who are trying to be open and accepting of his sexuality and personal freedom.
If your boyfriend is watching porn it can put you in a precarious position.
Should you even care?
The answer is yes, you should.
There are valid reasons why you should care if your boyfriend is watching porn, especially if you’re considering this relationship as one that has the potential to become permanent.
The boyfriend that watches porn will become the husband that watches porn, and a marriage can be a much harder ship to turn than a dating relationship.
So, keep the following in mind:
Many people feel embarrassed talking about sex, let alone porn. But the strongest relationships make a point to address the difficult topics and porn is in that category.
So, if your boyfriend is watching porn and you’re wondering if you should care and do something – you should.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published December 15, 2019 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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Recently, I went through my boyfriend’s phone and I saw him watching porn. We hardly go through each others phone and I know he’s a good guy which I trust, but he has done things throughout our 3 yr relationship to make me doubt his loyalty. I just get sick knowing that men are always going to be lustful. I always tell him that I hate the idea of him lusting over other women, that sometimes I just don’t feel like i’m the prettiest woman in his eyes. I’ve worked and prioritized myself so much so things like these just bring me down. I don’t lust over other men, I get that people can think someone is attractive, but I just really hate the feeling it brings me. I don’t know if this is something to break up over because this isn’t new to our relationship, but I just always get mad, we talk about it, and I just continue to trust him and it’s always something. I don’t think i’m perfect either but I know I don’t hide or do things I wouldn’t want done to me. I get irritated and think to myself what is it that I really want to do, and I never do anything but It makes me really emotional. I get so unsure of what to do because I don’t know if this is big enough to break up over. I hate thinking that these type of things don’t get better. We’ve talked about engagement & see our futures with each other and soon to marry, but I don’t want this feeling to carry and continue. As much as he may say he won’t do it again, I don’t think I can trust that. I just feel like that’s just a man’s doing. He did apologize , but I just think he knows that i’ll stay and continue with our relationship and brush it off like always. I think he only felt bad in the moment because he clearly dosent feel bad masturbating to other women. I know it wasn’t his first time, I would be naive to believe that. I think it’s a little difficult for me to understand why he does it because I personally have never felt a desire to masturbate to another man when we even have tons of videos of us together. I just really don’t know what to do and have been reading articles over this.
It's amazing to me that this is a men's blog, yet all the comments on here are women. I can echo every single women's sentiment on here and have wondered how some of these comments have aged - if they stayed in the relationship or left. Yes, it bothers me when he looks, simply because he was the only one who did it for me, and he was chatting with these women from the beginning of the relationship-you know, the honeymoon stage where you'll never be more sexually attracted to your partner. Not like I haven't looked at porn outside of relationships, once in a while (usually female,) but in a relationship, it doesn't do it for me because of my feelings toward my partner. I prefer same sex, instead of looking at other guys. It's amazing that these men want their women to be loyal but the rules don't seem to apply to them; and if the tables were turned, like their lady chatting with other naked men online, they would be so heartbroken and insecure.
One girl on here commented that she stopped dating men and found a lovely female partner who she has a solid relationship with. I want that confidence and trust. I've never had that in my 40 years of life which is probably why I've become numb to my partner's porn use and have gotten used to ignoring my own moral compass and needs and values in a relationship. I've stayed this long, knowing what I do and I don't expect him to change or not relapse, so it's either I accept that I'm participating in my own suffering and just change the focus back to myself, or leave. My male partner's porn use has forced me to look at my own ways that I have lusted after women, if it's worth breaking up over because the rest of the relationship is smooth and full of green flags, he's not physically cheating like previous partners, we still have sex (not as much as I'd like,) and maybe I should engage in it myself to appease my high sex drive and not care what he does. I do find, when I feel like watching porn it's usually out of hurt and vindictiveness rather than desire and I find I have a hard time getting off with my partner even though I'm still attracted to him...I start thinking about other women rather than being engaged and present with him, so I definitely see the negative affects porn use has. I have better things to do with my time and sexual energy. I would rather channel it into getting stuff done rather than mindlessly spend it on unfulfilling avenues. My partner doesn't have any friends and complained he was bored at work without me (we own a business together.) I don't get bored and I have fulfilling relationships and hobbies outside of our relationship. He's a decade older than me, he can do the same, but doesn't. Tired of making excuses and trying to encourage him to get a life...I'm not his mother, so I'm not going to drive myself crazy monitoring his online activity and encouraging him to follow through on his promises of therapy. I'm starting to wonder, if I've suppressed my affinity toward females, due to familial and societal/religious pressures and perhaps I'd be better off looking for a female partner, because porn addiction in men is a common and sad epidemic. Actually I prefer to be single, because based on my experience, it's been more fulfilling than being in a relationship. I don't really believe in soul mates or that one person can fulfill all of someone's needs. Speaking of needs: no one needs sex...like you're not going to die without sex like one would without food or water; so I'm tired of this "men have needs" mentality as an excuse for questionable behavior and to coerce women to put out in relationships, even when they don't feel like it. Mine was seeking outside stimulation at the height of our sexual attraction. He reassured me he was still attracted to me to which my response was, "Of course you are... you're attracted to anything with t*ts and a**..."
Atleast this blog reassured and validated that it's ok for me not to be ok with it. Even though he claims he stopped the chatting...he still goes to the chat website,🤦 out of all the other websites he could use. He told me he never chatted the first time I saw what came up on his search, a year in...I wasn't even snooping! I found out he continued chatting, for 2 more years, atleast on that website. A relationship without trust, feels like going through the motions.