Overthinking in a relationship is a problem, but it’s not unbeatable. Use the tips below, to stop spiraling through the cycle of overthinking in your relationship.
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Guys, do you sometimes feel like you’re stumbling around in the dark when it comes to how to express your love to your wife or girlfriend?
You know you love her, but convincing her of that can feel like rolling a boulder up hill.
Why is that?
When it comes to really knowing how to love a woman many of us guys feel like there must be some secret no one’s told us.
Considering the confusion many of us feel, it seems like some relationship advice on how to love a woman, along with some tips on what women really want and don't want from their partners is in order.
Below are complaints I've heard during counseling from women in unhappy relationships and some advice for guys on how they can do better.
Too many of us guys take the lazy way out of loving our partners by claiming we're just not good at being "romantic."
We also tend to underestimate the value and importance of being romantic has on the health of our relationships.
Romance is often looked at as something we had to do when dating, but not necessary after we’ve been together for a while.
Guys, that’s just not true.
Keeping romance alive in a relationship is a crucial part of maintaining the health and happiness. These gestures show you care, create a bond, and promote intimacy.
Although you may not feel like it’s important to you personally, it actually is – even if you don’t recognize it. And it’s likely very important to your partner.
The following are some dos and don’ts when it comes to loving your wife, as well as some ideas on how to do it better – even for the romantically challenged among us.
All it really takes is a little forethought and effort.
Or, with just your name, “me,” or an initial.
This is way too impersonal and doesn’t show much effort.
Try writing a sentence about how you feel about her, or what you appreciate about her, and then sign it "I love you, John."
Do it a few times a year when she doesn't expect it. And try giving her something other than the same old thing (i.e. candy, and a card) on those traditional holidays.
Try getting her something she really wants without asking her what she wants. You can do this by paying attention to things she says throughout the year and making a note of them. With this approach you've got some ideas all ready to go the next time you need to get her a gift.
The biggest of which is to think about what she really wants from you. Not just as a gift, but from your relationship in general.
See if any of the below sound like your partner.
Women have told me what they want from their husbands is:
This doesn't even mean you have to go anywhere, but just that you take care of everything, and she has the night off.
This is something you can take turns on – the point is not to make it her chore every single night.
Tell her what’s been on your mind, such as concerns, problems, or successes – not just the weather, work, or football.
Be specific and sincere. Women can tell when you’re just blowing smoke.
Physical intimacy is more than just sex and it’s important to embrace that fact.
Everyone likes knowing they’re being thought about.
Ask her questions about her day, her opinions, and her feelings.
It doesn't have to be something big or expensive. It just matters that you thought about her and what she would like when you chose it.
Chances are your wife or partner would like any one (or combination) of these things.
We’ve established that it’s not always easy to know how to show your partner you love her. But maybe that’s because we don’t truly understand what loving a woman really means.
Most of us go on autopilot when it comes to a long-term relationship of any kind.
Sometimes our wives do too, but women generally tend to be more in tune with their emotions and pay closer attention to ours than we may realize.
This means your wife is looking for signs that you,
A woman who feels secure in these things will generally feel loved. Of course, this also requires maintaining her trust and respecting her as well.
Every woman is different, however, and each may need a slightly different approach.
How you love a woman really comes down to knowing your partner and what she values.
The most effective way to express your love means doing so in the ways that she wants, needs, and responds to best.
So, take a minute and think about your partner. Close your eyes and really think about her.
Now, ask yourself,
Loving our partners takes practice.
Sometimes I do something or get something for my wife and it's a home run, and other times I strike out.
But my genuine effort always strikes a chord and makes her feel loved. So, I stay consistent and regular with it because I know it makes her happy, secure in my feelings for her, and it keeps our connection strong.
Come on men, let's work a little harder at loving our wives the way they want to be loved and give the last minute call to 1-800-Flowers a break.
Ladies, could you give us guys some other ideas on how to love a woman?
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 09, 2010, updated on September 8, 2020, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Overthinking in a relationship is a problem, but it’s not unbeatable. Use the tips below, to stop spiraling through the cycle of overthinking in your relationship.
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Is your Relationship Moving Too Fast? Learn the warning Signs Of A Relationship Moving Too Fast and strategies to slow things down that prevent problems.
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I hope that everyone is a little bit right and all organized religions are s little bit wrong. A Holy Spirit gives us a gift of discernment. I am unlikely to believe in any one established philosophy 100%.
So my situation, been with my wife 17 years, married 12, 2 kids under 8. High school sweethearts and I'm the only guy she has ever been with... well at least she says I am. We'll I honestly can say the first 10 years were AMAZING! the last few, I'd say 3-4 years have changed. I am in love with her as always but she told me everything about me is perfect, the way I love her, my kids and how I can just do about anything. Well long story short I found out she was having an online affair with a guy she never met in another state. It was for 2-3 months and I found the messages and it was like she was talking to me!? Her reasons were because how he talked to her, she loved hearing the things he would say and she was just stuck in hearing them. I busted him and actually hit a hold of his girl he had been with for 5 years. She was devistated, she cried so much bevasue she had no idea. She confided in me and told me they were having issues and hadn't had sex in 3-4 months bevasue they fought a lot but distance think kit was bad. Of course he turned it around saying it was my wife messaging him and stalking him...typical excuses. I was so confused and hurt, didn't know what to do. We separated for a short time for her to "FIND HER SELF" and it was hard not waking up to her or my kids every morning. It kinky lasted a month or so and something happened, like She snapped out of it and when I came tondrop my kids off she was balling her eyes out and talked to me and told me she was so sorry for what she had done to me, for the pain she caused me and that she realizes what life would be like with us together and that she loves me and is in love with me. Fast forward a few months and we started doing things different, I actually leave the house and get ready at my sisters and pick her up like we are dating again, like old times and we are genuinely handing a great time together, ire sex then ever and even talking about a 3rd child soon. Well we did have a talk a few days ago and she for some reason isn't happy, she said its has kit hung to do with me at all, everything about me she says is perfect, the way I have been treating her, the live I give her and she also tells me that my appearance and bedrooms skills are amazing, that she really thinks I look amazing with and without cloths( we are gym rats), that I really am the most gorgeous man ever to her. I always catch her staring at me and telling me I'm so gorgeous so I beleive her. She doesn't know why she gets sad, has bad days and can't figure it out. I told her she needs to talk to me, mad, sad, angry I want it all. To not hold back because we are a couple and we need to express everything to try and make things better if we can. Well she was happy I listened cried and the next morning she told me with the most beautiful face and voice Thank you for listing to me, it means a lot you don't give up on me, us, our family. So now I'm just scared, many friends told me it's not me that I and what everyone dreams of(actually her female friends telling me this) and that she needs to find herself, as a person and forgive her self and figure herself out. So I'm trying to figure out what to do, I have nightmares, extreamly emotional and trying not to show her bevasue I know being a sensitive man can make things worse. I'm trying to be happy, loveable and all that, productive, and just there for her. Anyone have any advice or insight for me would be greatly appreciated. I love my wife, my kids and my life. Sometimes I feel like she needs to get checked for her hormonal levels lol, not trying to be mean but it's like a light switch with her moods. Sometimes I feel like since I'm the only guy she has ever been with she is curious what's it's like to be with another, can't help but think that way sometimes. So I'm trying to keep her on her toes, happy, laughing, smiling, doing small things like flowers, gifts and I have always rubbed her.
I am in a different situation. My wife has been the giver for years and I have neglected her. I am a habitual liar when I think I will be in trouble. Lazy in helping around the house. Stupid with money and have not been listening to her when regarding our future. We have been married for o years and I spent more time on my phone than paying attention to my wife. I have never cheated by my wife told me she doesn't think I love her and I cannot blame her for her belief. Truthfully I am deeply in live with her but got to comfortable too quickly. I want to completely change the way I act but am struggling how to help her believe that I still love her. I don't deserve the help but would appreciate some nonetheless
I hate to say this but my wife’s love is gone. I just don’t know what to do. We have 5 babies and I am my wife’s care giver. So my main focus is her then our kids. When I have to keep on telling the kids to clean there room or do there chores over and over I start raising my voice and it’s always quit yelling it’s I’m danged if I do and danged if I don’t and I have been outa work 4 yr coming up to take care of them and she insists on me not going back to work due to ptsd and a brain injury. I just don’t know what to do. Everything is always my fault please can you tell me something or anything that can help me please. I’m desperate my wife is the love of my life my best friend and I just can’t live without her.
Hi Devun, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties your experiencing. 5 children and the stress of day-to-day life can certainly put a strain on any couple. Without speaking to you and your wife it's hard to offer specific advice. You didn't say that she's leaving or that you two are discussing divorce - that's a good sign. When life's overwhelming it's easy to lose perspective, especially when it comes to your relationship. I suggest you and your wife try to find sometime to talk - just the two of you, no kids - and discuss openly what's happening with your marriage. When doing this you will both need to listen to the other's perspective, be open, and work together to figure out how to get things back on track. Relationships take work and sadly love alone won't keep things strong and healthy. All my best. -Dr. Kurt
What if we already do these things abs now it’s too much. Lol.
Exactly why men & women are from different planets. I do 95% of the laundry and cleaning Yes both of us work full time.
Sweet texts a couple times a week
Flowers probably 6 few times a year
Share dinner and kid bedtime routines
Date nights 2-4 per month