Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
Part 2 of 2
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Contents
What triggers a midlife crisis? Does it just come out of nowhere, or does something cause midlife to go from a transition to a crisis?
This is the second part of the two-part series examining midlife crisis in men. Read the first post, Midlife Crisis - Facts & Fiction, for some signs of what a midlife crisis looks like.
Knowing what it looks like is one thing though, knowing what triggers it is quite different.
Descriptions of midlife crisis symptoms can vary depending upon who you’re asking. However, there do seem to be some common behaviors that they all agree upon.
The following is an excerpt from an article written by Cathy Meyer, What Are the Causes of a Midlife Crisis, explaining some descriptions of a midlife crisis by a few experts. I have included my own observations based on my clinical experience as well.
If you talk to middle-aged men and women who have experienced divorce, you will find that many of them will tell you their spouse changed overnight and became someone who discarded all that was once important to him for a new life that was all about what he wanted.
A midlife crisis was first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process.
Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way they live their life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life changes.
In my experience most people dealing with a midlife crisis have a number of external and internal factors or triggers that push them into a state of crisis. The stresses of life can be overwhelming and childhood issues that were never dealt with can come to the surface during this time.
There are additional external factors that may cause this time in life to be problematic. Some of them are listed below.
Financial difficulties are stressful at any age. In middle-age, however, they can be overwhelming and push people into crisis mode quickly.
The prospect of fewer earning years and mounting debt is more than some people can handle.
They may feel compelled to walk away from everything and everyone associated with their financial issues, feeling that this is an easier solution than trying to fix things. This doesn’t work, however. Debt within a family or marriage isn’t easily separated from and the process of trying can just make things more stressful.
Death of anyone close to you is hard to deal with. Dealing with it at this stage of life can be particularly difficult.
The loss of a parent or friend shines a light on the passage of time and brings the idea of your own mortality to the forefront. Coping with these feelings isn’t easy and can easily exacerbate an already challenging time.
A person who’s natural reaction is to avoid conflict or challenging situations will find this time of life more difficult. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away, it only compounds them and at this stage of life that can cause even bigger problems, like a midlife crisis.
When a person arrives in midlife and feels they haven’t risen to the point they had hoped for in their career, or accomplished the things they once dreamed about, it can be a challenging reality to accept.
Realizing that certain things in your life will likely NEVER happen can be a difficult pill to swallow. This change from an “anything is possible” belief in life to a “I will never be able to do that” revelation can trigger a midlife crisis.
In our youth we are strong, flexible, and recover quickly from most things. Then, one day, we can find ourselves grunting as we get out of a chair, needing assistance to sit on the floor, or dealing with sicknesses far scarier than colds or flus.
Bodies age whether we want them to or not, and they do so even if you’re in good shape. Many of us find ourselves taken by surprise as these changes occur and respond by sinking into crisis mode. For example, men now rival women as consumers of appearance enhancing treatments like Botox and Restilin, or other cosmetic procedures.
For some, a midlife crisis is even more complicated. It can be an uncomfortable time emotionally which can lead to depression and the need for psychotherapy.
Those who have a hard time with this transitional stage and are susceptible to being triggered into a midlife crisis might experience a range of feelings such as,
Are you a man struggling with any of these?
If so, there's help available. If handling things on your own isn’t working you might need the guidance of a counselor who works with midlife crisis in men.
No matter who you are, if so there will likely be some change in your thoughts and perspectives during midlife. That’s just a part of human nature as we age. Whether the changes during this time trigger a midlife crisis or not depends upon many factors.
With help your midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. So, learn how to change your midlife crisis into a transition, one that leads to a better stage in your life.
This is the second article of two defining midlife crisis. Here's the first one: Midlife Crisis Facts & Fiction. Sign-up for our blog below and be sure not to miss our next article.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published on July 3, 2010, updated September 25 2018, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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Ginny. It's like the same script playing replaying all over again. These midlifer are all the same. They make bloody excuses for their bad behaviors, and then do not own up to it. Sorry To read this thread.
The feelings you described that a person may be experiencing during a midlife crisis fits my ex husband to a T. We were married for 15 years when it all started happening and it was awful. We ended up divorcing and he was remarried 7 months after we called it quits. He said such damaging things I couldn't even see myself with him after it all blew over. I wish you all the best for those women who are affected by someone going through this and the men who are living it. I know my ex husband didn't want to act the way he did but I think it took control over everything.
Wow, after reading these posts I am literally shaking in my boots. Not too many happy endings it sounds like. My husband's mlc has been going on for a few years now. He is unwilling to compromise on anything. It's his way or the highway. I have never seen him so angry at everything and everyone. He is set off by any conflict what so ever. I feel like I am living with a stranger. I love him and want to make things work but it sounds like there is very little I can do. I am so discouraged. Are there very many marriages that actually survive this? Is there anything that wives can do to help their husband's through this process. I have read all of the other articles linked to this story and have not found any answers.
Jenny, There are many marriages that survive a MLC, so don't give up hope. While it is something he has to go through on his own, if that's what the issue is, you can always seek out a professional counselor for support for yourself. Also, check out the articles in the Anger Management and Depression Help sections on the right of this page to see if you can find additonal information there. -Kurt
They become monsters. They hurt everyone around them. They live in the denial and they blame, blame blame. In their very messed up mind, nothing they are doing is their fault, the wife being the most likely culprit. I have been accused of being controlling, to have sucked all life and happiness out of him, to have made the last 12 years of his like hell. I have been cheated on, lied to, manipulated and abused. He has now moved out, moved in with her and displays a lot of anger towards me, like I was responsible for all this. I have trying to make him reason but it is like talking to a wall. He has managed to kill every ounce of love I once felt, and I now just want to move on with my life. And make it up to the kids who are TRAUMATISED.
I have been through similar and sympathise with so many people on here. Like many I thought my 27 year marriage was happy. My MLC husband changed from the man I loved to a monster I now hate for what he put me through. He left me for a co worker 17 years younger than me and told me I was "uncivilised" because I didn't accept his crazy decisions. He blamed me for everything, said crazy horrible things to me, changed in the way he talked in both voice and usual vocabulary.He destroyed what took 30 years to build and left me at retirement age struggling to come to terms with it all and financially much worse off. What I wonder is the same as someone else commented on here why is so little known or talked about with this phenomenon that destroys lives and leaves people so traumatised for years to come. It has to be one of the toughest things to survive yet so little is known about it and there is little understanding or support for the victims. I was told it is easier to survive losing a spouse to death.
I am in counseling. Our kids our grown and married. He talks to them daily, but won't talk to me. He says he loves me but he's not in love with me. Typical MLC man. Why is this not made more public so men and women know what to expect. I think this should be a well known topic on talk shows, PERIOD!! I'm not giving up on him because I know he is struggling with his childhood past. I will give him kindness and support when he needs it.
Sorry to say its not just men that go through this, my wife has just done the same to me after 11 years of a perfect relationship, Its really really messed with my head