Did you know Porn has Harmful Side Effects? Find out about 6 negative Side Effects of Porn that most people don't know or ignore.
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A lot of men struggle with looking at other women. Many claim they aren’t aware they’re doing it. Others say they’re just admiring and mean no disrespect to their partners.
But looking at other women while you’re with your wife or girlfriend is disrespectful and can be hurtful to her.
Before we go any further, let’s first clarify that noticing an attractive person and craning your neck to watch them walk by are two different things. One is a natural reaction, the other is disrespectful, rude, and selfish.
The world is full of beautiful and intriguing looking people – both women and men. It’s normal to see them and like how they look.
However, what most women are bothered by is when that appreciation becomes unnecessarily or obnoxiously obvious.
We receive many questions from women whose husbands or boyfriends routinely check out the other women around them, even when they’re together.
We also receive plenty of questions from men who struggle to keep their eyes solely on the woman they're with.
Here's a submission we received from just such a guy and my recommendations on how he can learn to change this behavior.
Reader Question:
Looking at other women has become a big problem for me. I want to learn how to stop looking at other women. I need help regarding my inability to behave correctly in front of the opposite sex and especially when with my wife. I am married for 16 years and am 42 years of age. Happily married, lovely children. Everything is great, except -- looking at other women! I meant no harm, but it upset my wife and hurt her. My reaction was to stop looking at other women and avoid dealing with women.
I have no interest to meet anyone else. I am totally satisfied with my wife. Like other men looking at other women, I get incidents that happen without control, a glance, that I hate and am not comfortable with and especially if the other woman notices me looking. I do not look again, but just this uncontrolled look makes me awkward and I panic, mostly out of fear of hurting my wife and risk of losing her.
When with my wife, she reports that I become a different person and not notice her. I feel as if I have to keep my guard up all the time and if I relax I will fall! When at home everything is great. Any help, guidance, advice. I love my wife and do not wish to lose her and I am not looking at other women on purpose." -Ahmed G.
Ahmed is a pretty typical example of men who struggle with looking at other women.
He genuinely loves his wife but finds it hard not to notice attractive women around him. Because of that he’s anxious and stressed every time he leaves his house.
His wife’s struggling with this too. So much so that it’s become hard for them to enjoy time out together.
The good news is this problem can be fixed.
Here is what I advised him.
My Answer:
Looking at other women is a big challenge for a lot of men.
Congratulations on seeing this as a problem and seeking help. Usually, it’s the women who complain, "He looks at other women," and the men are oblivious.
Why do men look at other women?
Most guys develop the habit of looking at women when we were teenagers.
Each time a sexually attractive woman is insight our brain rewards us with a chemical high. It’s a minor high compared to drugs, but it’s still enjoyable and can be addicting.
This natural reward system is part of the reason men look at other women.
With the almost constant barrage of attractive women in our sex crazed world, most men can’t completely avoid looking at other women. This can normalize the looking until it becomes like a natural reflex and one we believe we have no control over.
For instance, advertisements by American Eagle, Victoria Secret, car and beer companies, all use scantily clad women in sexually provocative poses to sell their products (are we buying the car, the girl, or does the girl come with the car?).
These images exacerbate the problem by encouraging men to look at other women.
When you’re married or in a committed relationship, you need to modify your behavior, however. If we don't, this “habit” will clearly cause a lot of problems.
Every week I work with men who have big issues in their relationships because they look at other women.
One guy's wife called it his "Ogling."
Guys can also struggle (and their partner attack them for it) in some unexpected places too,
The opportunities for men to let their eyes wander are everywhere.
Many men will dismiss looking at other women as no big deal.
They rationalize that it’s not cheating and doesn’t affect the love they have for their wife or girlfriend, so it isn’t anything to worry about. But that’s not the whole story.
It’s true that checking out other women isn’t the same as having an affair, but it is a form of cheating. Micro-cheating is small, disrespectful behaviors involving the opposite sex.
The message this sends to your partner is, “I’m not having sex with anyone else, but I might like to.” And to most women this isn’t much better than if you were having sex.
As a result, over time this behavior can slowly eat away at your relationship and undermine the love you share.
How do you stop doing something that started when you were a teen? These suggestions can help.
These aren’t acknowledgements of her feelings or a demonstration of your understanding of the need to change. You need to let her know you recognize the disrespect she feels and that you will make a change.
If you can't stop looking at other women working with a counselor who specializes in this addiction will give you additional tools to help you change your behavior. Many of us have learned how to stop looking at other women and with help, you can too.
Although it’s easy to think that your wandering eyes shouldn’t affect your partner and that it’s not a big deal, the truth is that it does affect her.
Looking openly at other women can make your wife or girlfriend feel,
And none of these should be how you want the woman you love to feel.
So, if your attention to other women has become a problem, then make a point to,
Looking at other women will lead to problems in your relationship. Changing this behavior is an act of love that will go a long way towards keeping your relationship happy and healthy.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published July 9, 2010. It was updated on August 09, 2014, January 15, 2019, September 6, 2022, and again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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As a men we see women online and follow hot porn celebrities. Its common for all men. We cant stay without looking naked women photos or videos. Instagram is the best place to follow and seee hot beauties. These days instagram women linkedin women only sending private photos and videos in chats seducing men. Ita nothing wrong if men addict to see naked models online of women dont have shy to show naked. Even a married men also follow naked women online. We men admire looking at women. Some women may like it some may not.
You know It is just the same when women follow a lot of male 'model' pages showing their penises. No men would like to have such a female partner who looks and follows those photos and their videos of their big ones (black ones and pink ones and huge ones and very shiny ones etc.)