Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Part 2 of 2
4 Min Read
Contents
If you know your husband is watching porn then you probably also know firsthand the problems it can cause.
Porn viewing can –
Ultimately, watching porn can destroy a relationship.
In Part 1 of this article series, we met Mileena whose intimate relationship with her husband had become strained.
Since having a child, she felt her husband was no longer attracted to her because he didn’t have interest in having sex any longer. What she found out was that her husband had started watching porn for sexual satisfaction.
She sought help at Guy Stuff with the hope of saving their marriage and rekindling the desire they had before starting a family.
Here's the rest of Mileena's story:
Her Question:
By the way, husband watches porn and he wants me to be like those girls. I'm thinking about a divorce, but in general my life with him was perfect, except now I've got a husband not interested in me. I was really happy, but now I'm not. Is my husband addicted to porn ? What should I do?" -Mileena
(read Part 1 of Mileena's story - Husband Not Interested)
Mileena’s right to be concerned about her husband becoming addicted to porn.
Because porn’s so easily available via the internet and it seems like a victimless interest, many men think there’s nothing wrong with using it for occasional sexual release. The problem is that porn is highly addictive and occasional can become frequent very quickly.
In addition, as Mileena’s situation shows, it’s quite detrimental to female partners and a healthy sexual relationship.
My Answer:
Since you say, "My husband watches porn," that's most likely another reason why you've got a husband not interested in you.
One of the biggest negative effects of watching porn that men don't understand is the way porn influences what men find as sexually attractive.
Repeated viewing of porn reshapes, and almost always warps, our sexual attraction.
Additionally, as long as your husband watches porn he's being sexually satisfied by the porn rather than by being intimate with you.
At this point stay firm in saying no to cosmetic surgery. It's very possible that you've got a husband addicted to porn and nothing you do about yourself is going to change his behavior.
You need to first stop just accepting that your husband watches porn.
When your husband agrees to stop and after a period from abstinence of porn, typically a minimum 3 months, you both can begin to find out how much of his disinterest in you is due to his watching porn and how much it’s the changes in your body.
That would then be the best time to have a truly honest conversation about your relationship since porn’s influence will have lessened.
A marriage counselor would be an excellent resource for you to use to get guidance in taking these steps, as well as to help you both have a healthy and productive conversation about your marriage and sex life as a whole, and how to improve it.
What can you do if you’re like Mileena and have found that your husband watches porn?
Too many women just accept that their husband watches porn and believe they have no choice about it, but that's just not true.
Also, when you've got a husband addicted to porn, he needs your help, so start to help him by taking the steps I just described.
If your husband is watching porn on a regular basis he may not have any idea what he’s actually doing to –
Most men assume that porn is harmless. After all, it’s not actually cheating, right?
Well, the answer to whether porn is cheating is debatable at best. In my opinion porn is cheating, but one thing is certain – porn is not harmless.
Most of the women in pornography are actors. They’re paid to do what they do and for their physical attributes.
In other words, they’re compensated for portraying fantasy much the same way Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is paid to straddle two speeding cars while operating a machine gun in a movie.
We know that The Rock’s antics are acting and staged, yet when men watch porn they believe there is some possibility that what they’re seeing can (or should) happen in their lives too.
This is a big problem for their wives and marriages.
Real women and wives don’t look or behave like porn stars. Nor should they unless they want to.
For this reason, a husband’s porn habit can cause many women to feel incredibly insecure about their own bodies and being intimate with their husbands. Knowing that their husbands are coveting what they see on their screen and are likely disappointed in what they have in their own beds can make a wife doubt her own worth.
A husband’s preference for porn can lead to lack of interest on his part – as in Mileena’s case – and/or a wife’s rejection of intimacy all together.
Not only can this destroy the connection and trust in a marriage, but it can also lead to –
And this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems porn and an addiction to it can have on individuals and relationships.
If you can relate to Mileena and have found that your husband watches porn too, don’t ignore it.
As I advised her, start with a conversation. He may not have fully realized what he’s doing to you or your relationship. But most likely he’s going to deny, minimize, and blame you. So, be prepared to seek the help of an experienced counselor to get on the same page about the changes you both need.
Remember,
If your husband is watching porn it will damage your marriage. Don’t sit back and just allow that to happen – take a page out of Mileena’s book and begin the process of making change.
This is the second article of two discussing a wife's struggle with her husband's lack of interest. Read more about Mileena in the first article: Husband Not Interested In His Wife. Sign-up for our Blog at the bottom of this article and get other great articles on men, women, and their relationships like this one.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 07, 2012 updated on March 03, 2020, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
© 2026 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
I know and realize many husband's look at porn and lie to the wife about it. Ladies... You have made yourselves clear to your husband's about this issue...men who love the wife value what she has to say. So now we have learned through many years that many are the men who do not value the wife they have...try not to let this define you...save your money and live a life that is full and let whatever is going to happen to a husband like that happen. You cannot stop a train with your tears. Dry them off and step outside with a sane mind and body.
I discovered my then husband looking at porn in 1998 shortly after we married. He said he was working late in our home office but at 3 am went to check on him and he was asleep- snoring with his head on the keyboard, and kleenex strewn around the desk. I leaned over the computer and discovered file after file of downloaded material. This was a shock and I went berserk. I discussed it with him a few days later and said we made a big mistake in getting married. He said he would take half of my condo. It only got worse over time and it was always my fault. Eventually I left him with two children in tow. But porn created disrespect, mistrust and a slew of other problems. I never trusted him to be alone with the kids so I was seen as over-protective. I developed anxiety and felt neglected and depressed. Even today, I can't stand the look of him without thinking of the countless nights I sat alone crying or writing in my journal while he jerked off. I would go down and help up to bed around 3 am every night. Eventually, I just would leave him down there. The last straw was when my son, then five years old talked about the naked women on Daddy's phone. Porn addiction is a serious issue but I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it until it was too late. Since that time, I have spoken to a number of professionals who have identified this "porn addiction" and help me feel more confident and accepting of my body.
Lauren, Thank you for sharing your story. Porn addiction is really tough to talk about. Glad seeking out professional advice was helpful. Best wishes. -Kurt
I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 8. A few years ago i saw only fans charges coming out of my joint bank account. I realized it had been coming out for about 3 months. I was at work when i discovered the charges and i texted my husband about it. He said he didnt know what it was. And finally said he was curious what it was and didnt realize what he signed up for. I was devestated and he said he deleted the account. Later in the day i had a wierd feeling and tried to log into only fans. He did not delete his account. So i did. When i asked him about it. He said he did delete it. And he showed no remorse or concern to why i was upset. I went into the bedroom and cried and cried. He came in and consoled me and aaid he had a hard time getting aroused and sometimes he likes to just look at the beautiful women and bodies bc he appreciates the beauty. My husband is older than me by 15 years. And i honestly believed him. I thought we had a great talk. My husband never initiated sex a lot. And i have always been the one to initiate sexual encounters. And sometimes he would complain. And it would take a while for him to get aroused. But i never doubted my attractiveness. I started trying to take better care of myself and i took some sexy pictures for him for our anniversary that year. He didnt say much about them and they collected dust. I realized at that point i would stop pursuing him and when he was ready for sex and intimacy, date nights and other couples things that he would come to me. We didnt have sex for 7-8 months. I didnt initiate. Even when i was horny. I was actually nervous having sex with him after that long. And we occassionally had sex every few months. I was not attracted to him anymore. He was content with being a roommate. I was content as well because he stopped the only fans and if he wanted sex i would be there.
I did a boudoir photo shoot and made him a book bc in the back of my mind i was competing with the only fans girls that looked nothing like me . This book also collects dust. He didnt show much enjoyment when i gave it to him.
Fast forward a year later. I came home from work and was doing laundry and there was a t shirt with so much cum on it. I confronted him. And he kinda laughed. This broke me. I would always have sex. And him seeking it on his own made me feel terrible. I started obsessed over what he was doing when i wasnt home. I found porn sites on his phone history. I know a girl who went into porn and he was watching her videos. I brought it up in different ways and he didnt talk about his masturbation. I told him how it made me feel and how devalued i felt. I started initiating sex again. Every day. Even if i didnt want to. Inly to prevent him from looking up other women and porn. I tried to have sex with him before i would go to work in the morning. Proud of my self, i came home from work and checked his phone- and there was porn viewing from that morning. Another blow to myself esteem. I downloaded an intamacy app for us to use. He barely uses it and does not take it serious when andwering questions. We did have a discussion about porn use after i told him i have been able to access our internet router and ip addresses he viaits. He did not want to talk and ignored what i was saying. And i told hom to just answer my questions and help me understand. He did. And said he didnt want to tell me its something he does sometimes bc he didnt want to hurt my feelings. He said he would not do it again. I believed him. And i started to work on things with him. Try to spice things up. He could not tell me what he likes sexually. But it was improving. But i have hidden lotion in our house bc i am so traumatized. We have cameras in our house and o got a hidden one. Just to see if he really was telling the truth. He has been fine and i was feeling pretty good about myself again. But then recently. I saw him searching for porn in the morning. He got up the first chance he was alone after i had left. He propped up the pillows. And was texting me the whole time he was seatching for the porn. He even became frustrated and asked if i was going to leave him alone so he could get ready for work. He stopped texting me and continued to lie there searching for women with one hand. And the other hand on hos self. I sent him a video i made of myself naked. Just to see what he would do. He opened it. And lind of laughed. And then stopped what je was doing. Honestly i am so at a loss because everytime i start to feel okay again i find out hes lied to me. I cant confront him anymorw bc he just blames me for having a self eateem problem and that i should trust him. I feel totally broken and i dont know if he will ever understand or truly stop.