Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Part 2 of 2
4 Min Read
Contents
If you know your husband is watching porn then you probably also know firsthand the problems it can cause.
Porn viewing can –
Ultimately, watching porn can destroy a relationship.
In Part 1 of this article series, we met Mileena whose intimate relationship with her husband had become strained.
Since having a child, she felt her husband was no longer attracted to her because he didn’t have interest in having sex any longer. What she found out was that her husband had started watching porn for sexual satisfaction.
She sought help at Guy Stuff with the hope of saving their marriage and rekindling the desire they had before starting a family.
Here's the rest of Mileena's story:
Her Question:
By the way, husband watches porn and he wants me to be like those girls. I'm thinking about a divorce, but in general my life with him was perfect, except now I've got a husband not interested in me. I was really happy, but now I'm not. Is my husband addicted to porn ? What should I do?" -Mileena
(read Part 1 of Mileena's story - Husband Not Interested)
Mileena’s right to be concerned about her husband becoming addicted to porn.
Because porn’s so easily available via the internet and it seems like a victimless interest, many men think there’s nothing wrong with using it for occasional sexual release. The problem is that porn is highly addictive and occasional can become frequent very quickly.
In addition, as Mileena’s situation shows, it’s quite detrimental to female partners and a healthy sexual relationship.
My Answer:
Since you say, "My husband watches porn," that's most likely another reason why you've got a husband not interested in you.
One of the biggest negative effects of watching porn that men don't understand is the way porn influences what men find as sexually attractive.
Repeated viewing of porn reshapes, and almost always warps, our sexual attraction.
Additionally, as long as your husband watches porn he's being sexually satisfied by the porn rather than by being intimate with you.
At this point stay firm in saying no to cosmetic surgery. It's very possible that you've got a husband addicted to porn and nothing you do about yourself is going to change his behavior.
You need to first stop just accepting that your husband watches porn.
When your husband agrees to stop and after a period from abstinence of porn, typically a minimum 3 months, you both can begin to find out how much of his disinterest in you is due to his watching porn and how much it’s the changes in your body.
That would then be the best time to have a truly honest conversation about your relationship since porn’s influence will have lessened.
A marriage counselor would be an excellent resource for you to use to get guidance in taking these steps, as well as to help you both have a healthy and productive conversation about your marriage and sex life as a whole, and how to improve it.
What can you do if you’re like Mileena and have found that your husband watches porn?
Too many women just accept that their husband watches porn and believe they have no choice about it, but that's just not true.
Also, when you've got a husband addicted to porn, he needs your help, so start to help him by taking the steps I just described.
If your husband is watching porn on a regular basis he may not have any idea what he’s actually doing to –
Most men assume that porn is harmless. After all, it’s not actually cheating, right?
Well, the answer to whether porn is cheating is debatable at best. In my opinion porn is cheating, but one thing is certain – porn is not harmless.
Most of the women in pornography are actors. They’re paid to do what they do and for their physical attributes.
In other words, they’re compensated for portraying fantasy much the same way Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is paid to straddle two speeding cars while operating a machine gun in a movie.
We know that The Rock’s antics are acting and staged, yet when men watch porn they believe there is some possibility that what they’re seeing can (or should) happen in their lives too.
This is a big problem for their wives and marriages.
Real women and wives don’t look or behave like porn stars. Nor should they unless they want to.
For this reason, a husband’s porn habit can cause many women to feel incredibly insecure about their own bodies and being intimate with their husbands. Knowing that their husbands are coveting what they see on their screen and are likely disappointed in what they have in their own beds can make a wife doubt her own worth.
A husband’s preference for porn can lead to lack of interest on his part – as in Mileena’s case – and/or a wife’s rejection of intimacy all together.
Not only can this destroy the connection and trust in a marriage, but it can also lead to –
And this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems porn and an addiction to it can have on individuals and relationships.
If you can relate to Mileena and have found that your husband watches porn too, don’t ignore it.
As I advised her, start with a conversation. He may not have fully realized what he’s doing to you or your relationship. But most likely he’s going to deny, minimize, and blame you. So, be prepared to seek the help of an experienced counselor to get on the same page about the changes you both need.
Remember,
If your husband is watching porn it will damage your marriage. Don’t sit back and just allow that to happen – take a page out of Mileena’s book and begin the process of making change.
This is the second article of two discussing a wife's struggle with her husband's lack of interest. Read more about Mileena in the first article: Husband Not Interested In His Wife. Sign-up for our Blog at the bottom of this article and get other great articles on men, women, and their relationships like this one.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 07, 2012 updated on March 03, 2020, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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My husband and I just had our 1 year Anniversary 2 weeks ago, We also just got the internet little over a month ago. And I have found that everyday that I am working he is looking at porn sites. We work different shifts some days, I was looking at the History on my pc yesterday and saw one site was a meet site, I dont know if he went into this site, I am so floored by what he has been doing and dont know what to do about it. I moved over 400 miles and changed my life for him and I get this in return, It is not cool!
Divorce your porn addicted husband! he will ruin your life and make you miserable. he will leave porn around the house for your kids to find.
i wish i could find someone to take care of my husband for me.
you see how wives hate their porn addicted husbands?
maybe i should rape him with a hustler magazine! hahahhahahahahhahahaha
It seems to me that porn is a reflection of what is already going on in the male mind, just as romance novels and chick flicks are reflections of what is already going on in the female mind.
I am always amazed at the hostility that comes out in these "my husband watches porn" discussions.
How much of the problems occur because of patriarchal attitudes from our Abrahamic religious culture? Men don't know how to deal with women having sexual desires and needs. Women associate guilt with sex. They see porn as competition. If it isn't porn it would be football, or the man spending too much time at work.
Me and my fiance have been together now for almost 5 yrs now and in the beginning it was so good too good I guess.. I never could have imagined I'd find myself in compitition with his porn.. he failed to ever mention.well we had a talk and I told him I was disgusted with porn and did not like it.. He acted like he felt same. So u can imagine when I started to figure out he was addicted to porn. Everything he touched was tainted with nothing but porn. He ordered it on tv stayed in livingroom while I'm in bdroom I asked him about this and all I ever got was lies and anger for bringing it up.. and excuses.. I now question our whole relationship. And he has promised me he quit so many times and I prove him wrong again and again. He even signed up for two different meeting sites and answered questions he was looking for a couples or two girls or open to new ideas.. I found it and I know how much u have to fill out to get on its not easy.. and he says its was an accident.. or I was curious but knew it was bad so got right off never talked to anyone.. but promised.. now I am finding he is lying about so much that he deceived me on so much. I feel not good enough. Cheated. Betrayed. Liedd too. . I have tried to take pics even prof. Pic of myself for him and he never looks at them I let him take pics video.. nothing stopped him. He is still lieing but now deletes phone and hides it at night.. I do not know what to do and how can I get over it if all he does is denies everything.. belittles everything says I over react all men do it.. he never touched or talked to anyone.. and denies me of my feelings wont listen.. idk what to do I want to go to councillor he swore promised he would get help but has no problem.. but now that I said I am making appt. He doesnt wanna go he wont talk it was nothing its over.. what should I do please suggestions I am tired and honestly he has pushed me to now not even want or have sexual desire him.. or anyone..
Chrystal, Make the counseling appointment and go with or without him. You might be surprised by what happens when you follow through. -Kurt
Porn addicted husband here too....he basically is always looking for ways to have sex with me and I usually go along with it. Problem is he's only around home when he's hungry, sleeping, or wants sex. It's like I'm an object, and there is pretty much NEVER anything in it for me. Wham bam thank you......cut to snoring