Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
5 Min Read
Contents
Access to porn is easier than ever these days. In fact, at any given moment any of us could pull out our phone and within seconds have porn streaming no matter where we are. Given the ease of finding pornographic material it’s not surprising that many people develop an addiction to it. And porn addiction symptoms can be easy to overlook.
Many ask if there are really any symptoms of porn addiction.
Sometimes partners wonder if it’s a problem but have no way of knowing if it’s truly something to worry about.
So, what should you look for if you suspect a porn addiction?
One common barrier to seeing the signs of an addiction to porn is assuming he’s “not the type.”
Darren’s just a normal, average guy. He’s got a family and volunteers at church – there’s no way he’s addicted to porn!”
Think again.
A study published in Newsweek, Comparing Sex Buyers With Men Who Don’t Buy Sex, reveals some clues to porn addiction symptoms. Here are some excerpts from the article.
The men who buy sex are your neighbors and colleagues…Men of all ages, races, religions, and backgrounds do it. Rich men do it, and poor men do it, in forms so varied and ubiquitous that they can be summoned at a moment’s notice.
And yet surprisingly little is known about the age-old practice of buying sex, long assumed to be inevitable. No one even knows what proportion of the male population does it; estimates range from 16 percent to 80 percent.
And yet buying sex is so pervasive that Farley’s team had a shockingly difficult time locating men who really don’t do it. The use of pornography, phone sex, lap dances, and other services has become so widespread that the researchers were forced to loosen their definition in order to assemble a 100-person control group.
We had big, big trouble finding nonusers,” Farley says. “We finally had to settle on a definition of non-sex-buyers as men who have not been to a strip club more than two times in the past year, have not purchased a lap dance, have not used pornography more than one time in the last month, and have not purchased phone sex or the services of a sex worker, escort, erotic masseuse, or prostitute.”
What does that say about our society's acceptance of selling sex today – when you have to lower the research standards to find enough men who don’t buy sex?
So, what’s that got to do with porn addiction symptoms?
A lot.
The normalization of strip clubs, sexually orientated magazines like Maxim, and sexually suggestive images at almost every turn on the internet, should make porn addiction almost to be expected for men. Which supports why the researcher had such a hard time finding men who don't buy sex.
Having any of these things in your life are also potential symptoms of porn addiction.
Many experts believe the digital age has spawned an enormous increase in sexual exploitation; today anyone with access to the internet can easily make a “date” through online postings, escort agencies, and other suppliers who cater to virtually any sexual predilection. The burgeoning demand has led to a dizzying proliferation of services so commonplace that many men don’t see erotic massages, strip clubs, or lap dances as forms of prostitution.
"The more the commercial sex industry normalizes this behavior, the more of this behavior you get,” says Norma Ramos, executive director of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW).
It may seem based on this research that almost everyone has a problem with porn.
It’s not quite that dire.
But addiction to porn is definitely an issue, especially among men.
Although many men don’t consider porn a big deal, it is and it can cause big problems in their relationships.
So, how can you determine if man has an addiction to porn?
The following are 3 common symptoms of porn addiction as evidenced by the research, and provide a good starting point:
Farley found that sex buyers were more likely to view sex as divorced from personal relationships than non-buyers, and they enjoyed the absence of emotional involvement with prostitutes, whom they saw as commodities.
"Prostitution treats women as objects and not ... humans,” said one john interviewed for the study.
Farley’s findings suggest that the use of prostitution and pornography may cause men to become more aggressive.
Sex buyers in the study used significantly more pornography than non-buyers, and three quarters of them said they received their sex education from pornography, compared with slightly more than half of the non-buyers. “Over time, as a result of their prostitution and pornography use, sex buyers reported that their sexual preferences changed and they sought more sadomasochistic and anal sex,” the study reported.
“Prostitution can get you to think that things you may have done with a prostitute you should expect in a mutual loving relationship,” said one john who was interviewed.
Such beliefs inspire anger toward other women if they don’t comply, impairing men’s ability to sustain relationships with non-prostitutes (all excerpts from The Growing Demand for Prostitution).
These are all symptoms that I see in my work with men who have porn addictions.
It’s important to understand that these are all potential symptoms of porn addiction, but are not a guarantee of it. They’re also not the only symptoms you may see.
Keep in mind that this study focused on the selling of sex, prostitution in particular. Porn addiction doesn't have to mean a man uses prostitutes.
But as an addiction to porn escalates a man will be prone to seek riskier and riskier sexual behavior (i.e. more exciting and exciting).
As time goes on the person can find himself (or herself) needing more and more in order to feel satisfied, much like a drug addict or alcoholic. This can lead to behavior such as making online dates or arranging meetups with strangers.
Are there other porn addiction symptoms?
Sure.
are a few others.
Keep in mind that porn addiction isn’t something that men (or women) willingly discuss. In fact, most will,
None of these are true.
Porn addiction falls into the category of “dirty little secrets,” which makes it difficult to see. And what doesn’t get seen typically doesn’t get fixed.
Remember:
If you suspect a man you love may have a porn addiction he’ll likely need help and support to effectively stop. Because this is such a sensitive topic, it would be wise to speak with a professional counselor who specializes in treating men addicted to porn to help you determine your best next steps.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published October 6, 2012, updated on May 14, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
© 2026 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
My husband keeps his phone a secret but doesn't realize I know the password. Any time I check it he's got porn sites and escort listings in the browser. The other day I asked if he's still looking at escort services and he lied and said No. As far as I know, he hasn't used them, just looks. He has a high sex drive and I don't really enjoy sex much at all, but try to keep up with him about twice a week. Even after satisfying him (ie. he finishes) he's still looking at this stuff the next day. Is he addicted?
Honey, He most likely is addicted to porn - a lot of men are and don't realize it. To know for sure he'd have to be assessed by a professional. But at a minimum he's got a habit that's not good for him, you or your relationship. -Dr. Kurt