There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
It's one of the things we men hope never happens to us -- our wife caught cheating. Yet it's becoming more and more common to hear husbands say they've caught their wife cheating.
Here's the story of one of those men, Fernando, who caught his wife cheating. He wants to know how to deal with a wife caught cheating. Maybe you do too (or maybe your husband cheated). Keep reading and I'll tell you.
I feel betrayed since I caught my wife flirting through repeated glances with a security personnel standing on the casino hotel passage. She thought I was asleep in the hotel room. Another time not knowing that I walked around her back while she was playing a slot machine not concentrating on the play but attracting another guy. I saw all those acts of slutty behavior as a form of deceit. As if nothing happened, she even asked if I was there long. It is so painful and caused a very deep wound in my feelings for her. I wish I had not seen those situations. She keeps the same pattern of behavior with men from her younger days even as a married couple. I am now suffering with shock and negative thoughts and it is taking a toll on my health. I think this would be the end of our relationship and worth a divorce. I totally lost my trust and respect to her if there is anything left. I am really disturbed. How do you deal with wife caught cheating?" -Fernando P.
What's interesting here is that if we take the above story and change Fernando from a husband to a wife, the feelings of "betrayed," "deceit," "shock," "negative thoughts," "divorce," and "disturbed" would all be the same. When a partner is caught cheating, the sex of the cheated on partner makes no difference. Men or women, husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends, we all experience the same feelings.
So how do you deal with a wife caught cheating? The same way you would a husband or boyfriend who cheated. You get some professional marriage counseling help. Cheating is one of the most overwhelming situations you can go through and navigating it alone is a big mistake. Okay, so it may sound like I'm just pushing counseling. Yes, I am, but not because I do it. Rather because counseling guidance is what's needed and it works.
I would also say Fernando, that your feelings can change. Your wife can also change. And your lost trust and respect can change. A wife caught cheating doesn't have to automatically mean a divorce. Is it hard to change? Yes - very hard. And it's possible you or she may not be willing to. But I believe every relationship is worth at least trying to change before choosing divorce and all the pain and problems that come with it.
As we can see from Fernando's feelings, being cheated on is very painful and overwhelming. And it's easy to let those feelings drive you to taking actions that aren't the best for you in the long run -- like these guys: Man Destroys Home With Boat After Wife Caught Cheating or Husband Drives SUV Into House After Catching Wife Cheating. So if you've caught your wife cheating, the first thing to do is to get some objective help. The same advice goes if you're a wife caught cheating.
There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
Suspecting a partner of cheating can shake your world.
What should you do if your Wife Cheats On You? Check out this expert advice for what to do next.
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I often share your blog entries with clients, and I agree with your advice on this one, ASSUMING that Fernando's perceptions of flirting were accurate. Labeling glances as "slutty behavior" sounds a bit extreme to me. I have worked with couples where a jealous spouse misinterpreted glances around the room or normal social interaction with other people as flirting, to a point where that person was afraid to look anywhere but at the floor. It seems to often follow a history of having been cheated on in the past, or as a child having seen the painful consequences of a cheating parent.
My advice would be to deal with it head on. Speak your mind and say how you feel. If it's only flirting, you may be able to work out your issues, but if she has been involved in the physical act of cheating, my advice would be to go ahead an file for divorce.
I believe that Fernando is either a jealous freak, very insecure, or worse, is anatomically inferior or less than average. There is nothing wrong with looking or glancing. I believe that he is very controlling and professes his love for his wife thru his deranged perveptions. Even though the wife would have done nithing wrong per se, his distorted view wld have have seen her every move as cheating or questionable behavior. Life with with him can be or is depressing, deplorable or irritating becsuse she would have condtsntly to explain, clarify, appease, reassure or convince him her every actions. Yes, there is a case gor divorce, she should ask for it as dion as possible otherwise she will be stiffled or killed by this crazy man. What could have happened if he had found her with another man in bed? Just imagine his fragile ego! I want to reassure everyone that I dont agree with unfaithfulness or loose behavior and I believe 2 adults get married, not one adult, one child. He needs to communicate to his wife what he feels is acceptable,unacceptable, what he wld compromise in, what is definitely untolerable. Unless, she had previously been unfaithful to him, he needs to relax. Tiza
It sounds like Fernando is having a hard time dealing with his wife's behavior. I'm trying to cope with a situation myself and would like to hear what others think. I recently found my wife is having a fling with a second guy (found out about the first one 3 months ago). If fact she has a date planned with him next Friday.
1st question, is it dishonest or unethical for me to put a GPS tracker in her car or on her cell phone to provide hard proof if I decide to confront her about her activities?
2nd- My first instinct was to kick in the teeth of the guys she's seeing, found out where they work and live etc. but they both have wife/kids who are innocent so I've decided no violence. But I'm sure if I have a "talk" with them I could put the fear of god into them so they wouldn't see her anymore. I want to do this so badly, I think it would help me cope. But I'm not ready to confront my wife about this yet. Should I scare off the boyfriends? It would not fix the core problem that caused the cheating, but it would give me some peace of mind.
3rd, I have already asked my wife to go to a marriage counselor with me and she agreed. Should I bring up the fact that I know she is sleeping around, or should I just focus on finding out why she is and seeing if that can be addressed?
Thanks for any advise.
I think you should try to get as much information as possible before you confront her. You should also decied what you are going to do when you find out that she is cheating. Separation is not the best solution for your kids. Give her the second chance just like what happened before your marriage, I would like to believe that before marriage every one might have other relations but they are not known by the other partner. Life is fair but thats how the world is like.
How do you manage the horrid visuals men get of us with the other guy? I ask because I stupidly cheated on my husband and after much forgiveness counselling love came back. It’s 6 years on now but he still gets upset sometimes as I give oral sex he sees my lover doing the same and coming in my mouth ( I confessed everything) this can make him lose his erection. Is there a mechanism to help him with this? Or, is it the price I pay for being a whore to him back then. ?
Divorce is best thing to do he will never get over it my wife cheated 35 years ago she lied for 19 years. By then i had to much to loose i thought its a sick feeling every day.
If you are having divorced parents who think it's just a good way fun to punish your ex in every chance you get, consider if this is beneficial for the children. But it is not.