Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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Porn is a pretty uncomfortable subject for nearly everyone to discuss. Something that typically accompanies porn viewing that can be even more embarrassing is masturbation. And now a new problem has surfaced around porn and masturbation in the form of porn erectile dysfunction.
But wait - isn't it just older guys who have erectile dysfunction?
Yes, that is usually true, although men of any age can have this problem.
Porn erectile dysfunction, however, is a new problem, different from regular ED, and it's affecting men of all ages – but particularly younger men.
The short answer is – yes.
Obviously, not being able to get an erection is a physical function problem. Several things can cause it, including,
The most common causes of erectile dysfunction are,
As exhaustive as this list seems, one of the biggest contributors, especially for younger, healthy men, and the thing most unlikely to be listed on any description of the causes of erectile dysfunction, is porn.
Hold on – shouldn't watching porn help with getting an erection, not inhibit one?
Maybe, maybe not.
For nearly all men, porn is associated with arousal. And yes, that’s largely the effect – until it isn’t.
Before the internet, access to porn was limited to videos and magazines, like Playboy and Penthouse. While some men had collections of these, most guys had limited access.
But the internet has made the availability of porn images and video clips nearly instantaneous and limitless.
This endless supply of visual sexual images has fed men's natural desire to both "hunt" and fantasize about sex. As a result, the pleasure of sexual fantasizing combined with an infinite supply of stimulating images has turned looking at porn into a game of seeking ever increasingly exciting images and fantasies for many, many men.
This is one of the big reasons why for some men watching porn becomes so habitual and consumes hours upon hours.
Here's what one woman told me:
My spouse is 35 years old. He has struggled with porn before it even hit the internet. Since he was 12. Boxes and boxes of magazines. Now in his phones... There are 14,000 photos. Yes. 14,000. That's an old phone. The new one has 5,000. And now there is a back up phone and I don't know how many there are. He admits it's an issue. Says when he feels it taking over."
As shocking as this may be, I've actually had men confess to me in counseling of having even more porn saved than this guy.
Like this husband, many men have no idea how big an issue their porn watching really is. After all, isn't it normal for men to want to look at a naked woman?
Yes, but an excessive amount of anything causes problems – even good things (however porn isn't a good thing).
And now an increasing number of men are reporting difficulties getting and keeping an erection when being intimate with their partners.
I know men who also have problems reaching orgasm when having sex with their wives or girlfriends. And some men can even lose interest in having sex at all with a real woman.
This flies in the face of many common assumptions.
Aren't men suppose the think about sex every 6 seconds?
Aren't they supposed to be so sex focused they'd have intercourse nearly any time?
What gives?
Again, the short answer is – yes.
Sexual arousal releases the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain. And too much dopamine can be a problem.
When viewing porn becomes habitual it can cause the nerves in the brain to become less sensitive and responsive to dopamine. This results in normal sexual intimacy (with a real woman) being insufficient to produce enough dopamine for erectile arousal.
The consequence of this change in the brain can be seen in the prior descriptions of men requiring more and more porn to get aroused and maintain an erection until orgasm.
This doesn’t have to be the permanent state of things, however. Eliminating porn will eventually lead to a return to a normalized dopamine response.
There are some clinicians who say that porn erectile dysfunction is a myth. But there are also a lot of people who believe porn is harmless too.
Neither of which I agree with.
The truth is that porn gives short-term pleasure, but along with that comes long-term problems.
Masturbating to porn repetitively over time raises the threshold necessary for sexual arousal, as well as orgasm.
As a result, sexual stimulus, whether real or digital, that used to immediately create excitement, no longer does, and so more and more, and newer and newer stimuli is required.
Once you understand this cycle, it’s not hard to see how normal sex with someone you've been with before would not arouse a porn user like it used too. One man I treated for porn addiction needed to masturbate and orgasm again right after having sex with his wife.
The good news, as I said earlier, is that porn erectile dysfunction is reversible.
Stop viewing porn and masturbating, and typically within 3 months the dopamine levels in your brain will return to normal levels.
However, quitting porn is much easier said than done. Despite good intentions, the addictive power of porn and its easy accessibility make it very difficult for most men to stop on their own without professional help.
There are a number of mom myths we all heard as kids. One of the most famous mom sayings has been, “Put on a jacket or you'll catch a cold." We now know that being cold does not give you a cold.
Another couple of myths routinely heard by sons everywhere involves the male anatomy,
If you keep playing with it, it will fall off someday."
And,
Masturbation will make you go blind."
Obviously, it's not going to fall off nor are you going to go blind, but it is a myth that looking at porn is harmless, and the truth is that porn erectile dysfunction can be one of the consequences.
Let’s be clear about something. Masturbation is normal. No one wants to admit it, but everyone’s done it.
Porn is not.
So, while watching porn and masturbating may not cause blindness or make it fall off, it can cause it to stop working properly. Meaning, yes – porn erectile dysfunction is a fact and a real problem for many men.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 25, 2015 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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KJ, I am so sorry to hear about your situation - that's exactly what happened in my marriage but, although this may sound naive, I honestly didn't know what was wrong like I do today. If I was facing this situation today, I think I'd have the knowledge to beat it instead of ending up divorced. Everybody knows that other addictions like smoking, alcohol and drugs are harmful but I didn't realise how damaging porn can be - I thought the people who berated its use were prissy killjoys. I now know different and I'd implore any young men not to go there - you could end up useless, impotent and effectively sexually redundant! My problems arose by 'pushing the envelope'. When I was in my teens/20s, I could be aroused simply by holding a girl's hand, kissing or her sitting on my lap for example. But kinky fetishes and fantasies have made 'vanilla' sex seem so boring, those innocent situations I've just described won't 'do it' for me now. I'd give anything to be aroused so simply again and I'm trying to reconnect sensually (touch, scent etc) It's like when you were 17 and you'd got your first car, an unreliable, battered old Ford Escort that maybe did 50mph with the wind behind it! That didn't matter because the novelty was fun. Fast forward 20 years and now maybe you have a good job and you've got a sports car that's 3 times as fast and way much more exciting! That first Ford Escort that you used to love so much (vanilla sex in this analogy) just won't 'do it' for you anymore! Keep away from porn and keep in touch with reality!
David, Thanks for sharing your story so candidly. Best of luck to you. -Kurt
I watch porn and masturbade almost once a day, sometimes twice and I've found it very hard to get and keep an erection, I like girls and desire them but not the same way as before. I've had this problem for about a year and a half. I'm 19 and don't feel the desire to have sex like before, and can't even be bothered to try and have sex, but when I do get down to that part I can never get or hold an erection. Is there anything I can do? Is this because of the porn?
Pedro, I can't say for sure without knowing you, but it's very likely. You will most likely need professional help because porn addiction is so tricky. Read all of the articles in the subject Porn Addiction to the right of this page for some ideas and suggestions to get started. -Kurt
Yes those "myths" were right. Mastrubating is bad. It has nothing to do with Porn. It has everything to do with Mastrubating. People watching porn get addicted and then mastrubate 2-3 times a day or even more Everyday.
I always believed mastrubating is healthy. But as I grew older it did not make sense.
Its like saying donating blood is healthy. But if you donate it 2-3 times a day you are going to get sick or die.
So I guess its the testosterone thats delpeting.
I have recovered once from ED as I stopped mastrubating as I was sick and I got some heavy Erections like I was 15 again. But I also was eating 100% vegan and mostly raw. So that too helps
These are the physiological effects.
Phycological its the same as beauty magazines. Porn realy creates this fanatasy that we were all brainwashed to believe it was healthy. NO Its not!!
It actually unhealthy for the man and even bad for the woman cause she has to live up to that porn standard.
And really I need a sloppy blowjob and the woman talking to be dirty or porcelean skin. Cause I did not know that that was just video filters making the skin spotless and smooth.
Hi Kurt, Great article. I have a couple of questions to ask in regards to curing Porn ED (which I think I have a mild case of). 1) I am willing, dedicated and discipline enough to give up porn. As hard as it wil be for me (usually can't go a day without porn), I know I can do it without seeking professional help. As I had no idea this was the cause of "not getting it up". But my first question is, can I still take Cialis for the next few months to avoid embarrassment of not getting hard on dates, etc? Or will this counter-act all the good work giving up porn? 2) No porn, CHECK. But no masturbation? Really? If I don't masturbate I will get incredibly horny and won't this just mean lots of wet dreams or finishing within 30seconds when having actual sex? Please get back to me on these 2 things. Much appreciated.
CLD, Thanks for the kind words. For your first question you would need to talk to you doctor about any medications. For your second question, everyone is different, so there is no one answer to that. As I said in the article, it takes about 3 months for the brain to readjust. Porn addiction is very difficult to recover from without help, and there is more to it than trying to stop watching it. There's no shame in seeking professional help. -Kurt
Great article.
Tony, Thank you. -Kurt