Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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Porn is a pretty uncomfortable subject for nearly everyone to discuss. Something that typically accompanies porn viewing that can be even more embarrassing is masturbation. And now a new problem has surfaced around porn and masturbation in the form of porn erectile dysfunction.
But wait - isn't it just older guys who have erectile dysfunction?
Yes, that is usually true, although men of any age can have this problem.
Porn erectile dysfunction, however, is a new problem, different from regular ED, and it's affecting men of all ages – but particularly younger men.
The short answer is – yes.
Obviously, not being able to get an erection is a physical function problem. Several things can cause it, including,
The most common causes of erectile dysfunction are,
As exhaustive as this list seems, one of the biggest contributors, especially for younger, healthy men, and the thing most unlikely to be listed on any description of the causes of erectile dysfunction, is porn.
Hold on – shouldn't watching porn help with getting an erection, not inhibit one?
Maybe, maybe not.
For nearly all men, porn is associated with arousal. And yes, that’s largely the effect – until it isn’t.
Before the internet, access to porn was limited to videos and magazines, like Playboy and Penthouse. While some men had collections of these, most guys had limited access.
But the internet has made the availability of porn images and video clips nearly instantaneous and limitless.
This endless supply of visual sexual images has fed men's natural desire to both "hunt" and fantasize about sex. As a result, the pleasure of sexual fantasizing combined with an infinite supply of stimulating images has turned looking at porn into a game of seeking ever increasingly exciting images and fantasies for many, many men.
This is one of the big reasons why for some men watching porn becomes so habitual and consumes hours upon hours.
Here's what one woman told me:
My spouse is 35 years old. He has struggled with porn before it even hit the internet. Since he was 12. Boxes and boxes of magazines. Now in his phones... There are 14,000 photos. Yes. 14,000. That's an old phone. The new one has 5,000. And now there is a back up phone and I don't know how many there are. He admits it's an issue. Says when he feels it taking over."
As shocking as this may be, I've actually had men confess to me in counseling of having even more porn saved than this guy.
Like this husband, many men have no idea how big an issue their porn watching really is. After all, isn't it normal for men to want to look at a naked woman?
Yes, but an excessive amount of anything causes problems – even good things (however porn isn't a good thing).
And now an increasing number of men are reporting difficulties getting and keeping an erection when being intimate with their partners.
I know men who also have problems reaching orgasm when having sex with their wives or girlfriends. And some men can even lose interest in having sex at all with a real woman.
This flies in the face of many common assumptions.
Aren't men suppose the think about sex every 6 seconds?
Aren't they supposed to be so sex focused they'd have intercourse nearly any time?
What gives?
Again, the short answer is – yes.
Sexual arousal releases the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain. And too much dopamine can be a problem.
When viewing porn becomes habitual it can cause the nerves in the brain to become less sensitive and responsive to dopamine. This results in normal sexual intimacy (with a real woman) being insufficient to produce enough dopamine for erectile arousal.
The consequence of this change in the brain can be seen in the prior descriptions of men requiring more and more porn to get aroused and maintain an erection until orgasm.
This doesn’t have to be the permanent state of things, however. Eliminating porn will eventually lead to a return to a normalized dopamine response.
There are some clinicians who say that porn erectile dysfunction is a myth. But there are also a lot of people who believe porn is harmless too.
Neither of which I agree with.
The truth is that porn gives short-term pleasure, but along with that comes long-term problems.
Masturbating to porn repetitively over time raises the threshold necessary for sexual arousal, as well as orgasm.
As a result, sexual stimulus, whether real or digital, that used to immediately create excitement, no longer does, and so more and more, and newer and newer stimuli is required.
Once you understand this cycle, it’s not hard to see how normal sex with someone you've been with before would not arouse a porn user like it used too. One man I treated for porn addiction needed to masturbate and orgasm again right after having sex with his wife.
The good news, as I said earlier, is that porn erectile dysfunction is reversible.
Stop viewing porn and masturbating, and typically within 3 months the dopamine levels in your brain will return to normal levels.
However, quitting porn is much easier said than done. Despite good intentions, the addictive power of porn and its easy accessibility make it very difficult for most men to stop on their own without professional help.
There are a number of mom myths we all heard as kids. One of the most famous mom sayings has been, “Put on a jacket or you'll catch a cold." We now know that being cold does not give you a cold.
Another couple of myths routinely heard by sons everywhere involves the male anatomy,
If you keep playing with it, it will fall off someday."
And,
Masturbation will make you go blind."
Obviously, it's not going to fall off nor are you going to go blind, but it is a myth that looking at porn is harmless, and the truth is that porn erectile dysfunction can be one of the consequences.
Let’s be clear about something. Masturbation is normal. No one wants to admit it, but everyone’s done it.
Porn is not.
So, while watching porn and masturbating may not cause blindness or make it fall off, it can cause it to stop working properly. Meaning, yes – porn erectile dysfunction is a fact and a real problem for many men.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 25, 2015 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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I have been reading all the comments and agree with most of them but besides the scientific name for this problem I have come to the conclusion that is in human nature. I am married myself and love my wife but sometimes I feel frustrated because of the fact that in my head I could have better sex. I'm pretty sure my wife thunks the same way. But men and women are built different. Women love to involve feelings in sex. Men are more physically interested. I believe society has made the instutution of marriage so frustrating for men that they need to recurr to porn to help their natural human behavior. Men are oppresed by marriage, by a wife screaming and demanding stuff. I'm not generalizing. I've known succesful marriages but lets face it. This is 1 in 100.
The only advise and best advise I can give to married women is pretty simple. "STOP BUSTING YOUR HUSBANS BALLS" It may not solve the problem completely but it will definitively help a lot.
Let the guy decide what he wants and what he doesn't want. Porn is an escape of reality of what the guy gave up for YOU. Be greatful that he is still with you all but if you want to do yourself a favor and make your relationship better just give your guy a break of screaming and demanding and comparing with your friends.
I have told my wife this so many times and she doesn't understand. Now I kind of envy the freedom the divorce guys have. I have never known a sad divorced guy in my life. They are always the happiest people ever. Anyway, I don't know what is making me weite all of this and I mean no disrespect to anyone. I hope my comment finds uts purpose.
I appreciate the sharing of everyone's experience. Next year will make 40 years with my husband. I've not had sexual relations with my husband for at least 2 years.
Our sexual relationship has not been really that great for at least 15 years. Quite often my husband could not perform but had no problem with begging me to try and satisfy him. I think his ED was due to alcohol. So there are two factors in my case.
I didn't realize my husband had such an addiction to porn until he admitted it to me several months ago. Before admitting and even a little more recent he tried to say it was because I wasn't really that much into sex. This is a crappy excuse for not taking responsibility; the blame game.
Just as anything else in life you make choices. You know what you are doing is not right. You can feel it because you hide it.
Once I accepted that I have had enough and not to allow my happiness to be based on how some other person feels about me I became quite happy. I am no longer dependent on the feelings of someone else. When it is time I can walk away. I love him but I am not in love with him. Maybe my love was based on an unhealthy dependency. It doesn't really matter at this point. I know I can find my own happiness and satisfaction in life without being dependent on another person.
Do not stay in a situation like this just to keep it together. Get educated, learn to support you own self in your emotions and financially. Yes, it’s okay to cry and be hurt and it’s okay to feel lonely but it is also okay to feel good. It is okay to choose to end the relationship because you have just had enough and you are so tired of struggling with it.
Why did I stay with him for so long? Why did I accept that it was okay? Because I loved him, deeply. He wasn’t an abusive man, physically or even mentally, just emotionally. For many years I felt like I was waiting.
Yes, he or she is sorry but only because they got caught.
My boyfriend can't get excited the way he used to, I mean usually just kissing could, now it takes more and more. Found 12 folders of porn, all of them with the names of the girl under a folder called "options". He doesn't believe that it's because of porn that he isn't like he used to be.. But really if you keep using LSD to get you high then weed won't get you high the same way. I've taken nudes for him cause I felt like I needed to compete with them, but really I think it only enables him further. This has ruined me, I used to love my curves and light skin, now I want plastic surgery and use fake tan.
LISA, I am so sorry about how you feel but PLEASE do not let what you have gone through rule over you to the extent of self-hate. Be yourself, get busy, hang out with friends and family. some day soon a respectful man will find you- they do still exist. And remember that time heals.
Two questions:
1) What about the "use it or lose it" theory? If you stop masturbating, might you not lose the ability to get erections?
2) Is there a religious angle going on here? ie It's SO sinful to masturbate and against the good book etc.
Dave, "Use it or lose it" is an interesting theory, and it's just that. When one masturbates too often, it can become more and more difficult to maintain one. Some may feel that they're "sinning" and therefore guilty. Everyone is different, and different levels of tolerance, guilt, etc., so there's no way to say that's how it is for everyone. -Kurt
This concept is based more in desensitization to sexual stimulus vs any anti fapping dogma. It's just that the human mind isn't programmed to watch thousands of different beautiful naked women. When you do that, you can desensitize yourself to the woman you are committed to. If I'm a 55 yr old man and I'm fapping to coed girl groups, what business do I have with my 55 yr old wife. My mind is convinced that I can have more fun enjoying the coeds than my real life lover.
Dave, the use it or lose it theory (which i think is nonsense) can produce allot of anxiety. But thinking about it logically if this theory was true pretty much every guy and animal on the planet would be impotent. Theres certain animals that cannot masturbate. Also im pretty sure during our younger years all of us must have gone at least the first 10 years of our lives without masturbating. The people who have come up with the use it or lose it theory are probably trying to justify there own actions.
I've always masturbated reasonably regularly - I've got a fairly high sex drive. Have looked at porn on and off for many years, but always thought it a pale imitation of real sex.
Unfortunately, I'm in a marriage where my wife has no interest in (and in honesty an aversion to) sexual intimacy. This obviously creates a lot of sexual frustration and self-doubt for me, and it also means that masturbation is now my ONLY sexual outlet.
Unfortunately, fantasy only really works for me if it is plausible - which nothing is while I'm trapped in a sexless marriage. Porn is now the only way I can reliably masturbate to orgasm, but it's getting more difficult to do so all the time.
We've had lots of help to address my wife's problems, but no success.