Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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A lot of women want to (or feel like they have to) be okay with their partner viewing porn. Yet these same women struggle with the true feelings they have and what to do about it. A common feeling experienced by many women about porn is that it feels like betrayal.
Porn can be a confusing topic. On one hand it seems fairly common and something all guys like, which gives it a weird kind of normalcy. On the other hand, porn can feel disrespectful, repulsive, insulting, or many other things.
And it's not at all uncommon for many women to feel this way.
But why would watching porn feel like betrayal?
Many women struggle in secret with their feelings and have no idea that there are thousands and thousands of other women just like them in the same situation. They wrestle with the same feelings of betrayal about porn too and wonder why images on a screen can make them feel this way.
Talking about porn is just not what people do, men or women.
It’s typically a very uncomfortable and embarrassing subject. Many women feel pressure to accept it because they think it’s necessary for their partner to be happy. So, they struggle with it in secret.
Here's what it looks like for one of these women dealing with porn in her marriage:
Porn seems to be a common problem between men and women. I am currently re-married and have had the same porn issues with both men. My current husband doesn't look at it as frequently as the first, so for that I'm thankful. However, I have told him from the beginning of our relationship how porn makes me feel. He agreed that it was disgusting and couldn't believe my ex would do such a thing when having such a beautiful woman by his side. Since then, my current husband has been and continues to look at porn. He's admitting he has an addiction and that he has suffered from it since he was 16. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I wish I didn't mind him looking at porn, but it's so hurtful to me. He says it's a way for him to get an easy off and that it has nothing to do with our relationship, but I don't believe it. Please help me shed some light on the situation. Right now, I'm fed up and ready to leave. He wants to work things out, which is a road that has been traveled multiple times." -Wendy
The feelings that porn can trigger in a person can vary. And those that arise from the conflict it causes between women and men vary as well. But there are a number of common themes.
It’s not uncommon for women to feel,
when their partner watches porn.
They can also feel,
And feel,
Having lots of unanswered questions is pretty typical as well.
In other words, porn can take away a woman’s feeling of safety and security within her relationship, and make her feel like her husband is more desirous of what’s on the screen than her.
And although all of those feelings are typical, there's one other that women can struggle with the most –
The feeling that porn is a betrayal is one of the most confusing feelings of them all. Alyssa’s story below is a good illustration of that.
My husband and I have been married just 10 months. Three months into our marriage I started noticing he wasn't as interested in having sex with me. He said it was because he was tired or stressed, always coming up with an excuse. I figured out not long after that he was watching internet porn quite frequently. I was devastated and worse he denied it repeatedly. He said he would stop but didn't and I begged him to go to counseling. When he refused I went by myself to a Christian counselor who was very helpful. Through her help I felt like we were getting better and stronger. We were more intimate and he had stopped watching porn, so I thought. Last week I found more and although we are doing better I'm still so hurt and feel betrayed. I feel like he is cheating on me and lying about it. I'm considering giving him an ultimatum of either he goes to counseling for his porn addiction or he leaves. Please, any advice would be much appreciated." -Alyssa
Although men will tell you porn isn’t cheating, watching other women in a sexual way can certainly feel like it – just ask any woman.
Most women want to feel they’re the only ones who can elicit a sexual response from their husband, and that their husband doesn’t want to be with anyone but them.
Bringing porn into your relationship can feel like this intimate connection has been broken or shared with other people.
There are a number of reasons why a woman may feel betrayed by porn.
Here are just 3 of them.
Most men will argue that they have no intent to betray their partner when they look at porn, but unfortunately intention doesn't change the impact. Just based on what it is and what it does, porn is a form of betrayal and most likely will make your partner feel that way. There's just no way around this fact.
Another danger with porn is what it can lead to next.
These are just a few possibilities that can change the interaction with an image to an interaction with a real person.
Most porn viewers will tell you there’s no way this would happen. But it’s a slippery slope and porn creates an insatiable desire for more and more.
A lot of porn sites link to and have pop-up ads for these other options, so taking that next step is pretty easy, and repeated exposure to these temptations can be difficult for many men to resist.
Women whose partners have taken these next steps feel even more betrayed by porn because porn can be a gateway to more interactive cheating.
When the trust in a relationship is broken through repeated betrayals with porn, the relationship is no longer healthy. In this state it can be even more difficult for partners to talk about the subject
Sex in general is a tough subject to have an honest conversation about. When it comes to porn it can feel impossible. Add to that the emotional and vulnerable state of a relationship when one partner feels betrayed, and it can be extremely difficult for partners to talk about the subject or know how to fix things.
If you’ve gotten to this point you may need the help of a qualified counselor in order to move forward. Having the assistance of an experienced, professional counselor with knowledge about porn can make all the difference.
If your partner is watching porn and you’re uncomfortable with it and feeling betrayed, you’re not alone. Although these feelings can be confusing and isolating, they’re common and can be dealt with.
As you’re trying to put your feelings into perspective, keep the following in mind:
Why does porn feel like betrayal?
The reasons above are some of the biggest reasons why. We all want to be the desire of our partner and when that desire is being directed elsewhere its natural to feel betrayed.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published November 12, 2019. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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I see a lot of comments on here that I can relate to. It doesn't feel right that my self-worth and self-esteem would be linked to what some man's sexual habits are. I've struggled with feelings of worthlessness in myself just because my current husband had a history of looking at a lot of p*** and I think he still does he just hides it really well. The thing I want most in my life is to feel good about myself and to be happy. I know my husband loves me and I'm trying to just accept the love that he gives and let the p*** be his problem, because he doesn't think it's a problem. Let it be his problem. Not mine.
Glad I found this page, my partner watches porn...so do I, we have watched it together. We've always been honest about it until now. I looked at his phone and found he's been watching a load of 'teen porn, the girls almost always look the same petite and blond, I confronted him and he fed me what I now know to be the standard...its just a fantasy, it's you I love and want to be with. Trust dented a little especially as our sex life was pretty none existent. Forward a few months and we go upstairs to bed...both of us knowing it was for sex. I use the bathroom and come out to find him playing on his phone...using the incognito mode he's watching porn. He made a half hearted excuse that he was trying to find something for us to watch. When I asked him about the use of the incognito mode he against gave a pathetx excuse that it was because he was using chrome (He's used chrome on all of his phones). Since that night I've checked his phone regularly he's using incognito most for most of his activities including his porn watching. Now I have found myself feeling hurt, betrayed and lied to, I am turned off completely sexually and starting to feel the same emotionally. I love him but the doubts and thoughts of 'what else is he doing on incognito mode that he does want me to see are flooding any feelings I have for him. I've tried talking to him about his porn watching before and he jist gets angry and we end up not speaking for days...help!!!
No. Men need to stop making excuses and stop cheating with other women ( porn ). It's all fine with them because they're the ones getting off to other women so of course every man who does it will do everything they can yo normalize it and act as though it's ok to disregard your feelings...well it's NOT!
ON ANY OTHER SUBJECT whether it be him bothered by a certain behavior or you being bothered...you would stop to Dave his feelings, he would stop to save yours ( how it should be! )
Funny when it comes to porn, you got the " old boys club" trying to pass it off as ok and it's not.
I guarantee you, if it was YOU behaving in a way ( doing something, acting a certain way ) participating in something that hurt or bothered him, you would be expected to stop..as well as we SHOULD STOP behaviors that hurt our partners!
Your husband's and bfs would have a big problem if the roles were reversed.
If the jerks don't want to give it up then they should be single and can use their hand as they are choosing over you.
So no, you are perfectly within reason, don't let the media,men,perverts and brainwashed society ( sheeple ,) sell you on it's ok because it's not.
I'm so sad , m feeling so down, stress and really mad
.I don't think my partner will ever change. I don't know what to do. Please help me.
I feel you, as in i do. Last jan 2017 I comment here about me and my bf broke up. But for now we're still together. I love him so much. It breaks my heart too, I'm hurting emotionally and mentally. I think the same way like you do. While not around I know deep inside my self that he is watching , even after he gets off to work . Before he go home he is watching at there restroom. How I know, well I dont know, I just guess because i did look at his history phone before and its at night at this date and im off that day so i mean how frustrating was that. Before when i get over his porn addiction he will get mad and choose porn. Now his getting better ( thats what im thi king, but his still watch porn:'( . Now he will responded he will try his best to change because he dont want to see me sad. You know, while having s*x he will just stop in the middle then not do it at all, u know how frustrating was that. I just can't explain it, my heart always break and I always cry my self at night whenever I think about him. I love this guy and I want him to change. But the change must start with him. He did agreed that he think his addicted to porn because since 13 yrs old he been doing it. I mean now he has a gf, I'm here in front not in the screen. I'm still holding on right now, I don't know how long but im hoping for the best.
You're COMPLETELY delusional and in denial. Most of these women on here have a problem because they are being replaced by porn. I was replaced by porn with my ex husband which was the cause of the divorce. I wanted sex 2 times a day and he gave it to me once every two weeks. Right after I broke up with him I found another man who had sex with me 3 times a day every day for 2 years until he moved away. That guy always chose me over porn. So don't use porn addiction to blame it on women and our insecurity.
Right on!