There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
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Some people can be pretty loose with their definition of cheating until they’re on the receiving end of it. But if you find out your partner’s been exchanging intimate photos or video’s with someone else, you may suddenly find yourself wanting to know if sexting is cheating.
Most people – at least initially - think of cheating in terms of physical contact, anything from kissing to sex. But that’s certainly not the only way a person can cheat, especially in today’s digitally connected world.
Today, not only do smartphones and computers make life easier in many ways, but they also make cheating much, much easier. Sexting, for instance, has become very common.
One question you need to ask yourself if you’re wondering why sexting is considered cheating is, “Does it feel like cheating?”
It certainly can feel like it when your partner is doing it.
Sharing pictures of body parts or images of yourself in sexual situations with other people crosses the line of a healthy relationship boundary and is a betrayal of your partner.
Not all cheating involves sex, but the sexual element of sexting makes it feel like cheating for many people.
A great example of sexting and the problems it can cause can be seen in the life of ex-congressman and former New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. His antics were made public and offer us a picture of what sexting looks like and the significant damage it can do.
The shame and embarrassment caused to Wiener, and all associated with his sexting behavior should be taken as a reminder that nothing is really private when it comes to texting or the internet.
The post below is one I published about this famous sexter. Carlos Danger, aka Mr. Weiner, who has quite the portfolio. After you read it, tell me if you think sexting is cheating or something that we should be okay with.
The biggest problem with cheating isn’t the sex, nor is it the other woman or man. It isn’t even the form in which it occurs - whether it’s flirting, becoming overly close with a coworker, too connected with someone on Facebook, watching porn, getting emotionally connected to someone else, or actually sleeping together.
No, the biggest problem with cheating is the breaking of trust with our partner and going outside the relationship for needs that are supposed to be met inside the relationship.
Some of the smaller actions like,
and even flirting can fall into a cheating grey area.
These actions can seem harmless enough, but if the energy, feelings, and intent behind them go beyond platonic even a little bit for either participant (even if they didn’t in the beginning), it really does qualify as cheating, or at least is micro-cheating.
Typically, micro-cheating is made up of little things each partner knows feels wrong, but defining exactly how they’re wrong can be challenging. And there’s an element of deniability that can make it easy to hide behind because there’s not actual sex occurring.
These things on their own will slowly erode your relationship’s trust over time.
Sexting, on the other hand, goes a step (or two or three) further than micro-cheating.
Don’t underestimate the fallout from sexting. Not only can it affect your current relationship, but it can also affect future relationships as well. Once you’ve cheated through sexting, especially if it becomes public as Wieners did, your ability to be trusted will be in question – forever.
There may also be professional or legal consequences. If explicit content is shared without consent and becomes public, it can have professional repercussions, potentially affecting one's career and livelihood.
Almost everyone texts. Texting in and of itself is neither good nor bad. And texting on it's own is also not cheating – unless it's with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
It becomes cheating, however, when we share something with someone else that should belong only to the person we’ve committed ourselves to. Our bodies, intimate thoughts, and feelings, or certain parts of our lives should only be shared with our partners, unless there’s an agreement in place that says differently.
And for those who are considering it, I can tell you from my many years of experience in counseling couples that open relationships rarely ever work.
Doing these things damages the trust and intimacy with our partner, causing immeasurable pain and hurt. Once this happens, rebuilding things can be a long, difficult road.
In fact, rebuilding broken trust can be really tough to do without the assistance of a professional counselor because effective and productive communication is now incredibly challenging.
So, is sexting cheating? In a word – yes.
Sexting is cheating because it does all of the things described above. It,
If you still aren’t convinced, consider how you’d feel if your partner did the same thing – and be completely honest with yourself. I bet you’d rather they not.
Sorry, ‘Carlos Danger,’ but your sexting is cheating. And if you’re wondering, his wife thought so too, as it was one of the primary reasons she divorced him.
A note of caution to those who want to engage in sexing with their partner: While what’s done by consenting adults in the bounds of a committed relationship should be private, anything transmitted digitally is at risk of being seen by more than just the person for whom it’s intended. So, sexting is best avoided, even when it’s with your partner,
What do you think – is sexting cheating? Please explain your reasoning in a comment below.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 5, 2014 updated on August 7, 2019, and updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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Hi my names.. nosey. I am in a,relationship. .. gin on five yrs ..this is goin to be kinda ..long. my boyfriend. ..he from out town .. .. city ...he works n weekdays ..(we do not live together.)>one ..wanted to ask u bout.. two .. he goes BK. To his home. Town on weekends ..this psst year I only ..seen him maybe five. Weeken Weekends there been alot times where he'll stay. In town. I find out end of weekend ... .that included. In ..all years. .. we.been ..together. .. he never calls .... nor mes ..only. Wm he n his,way. N close.. I see him ..two. night a week all this .. been same ..to five yrs ..there s,wool much more to that .. that think tip of ice burg. I love him .me I used to. Do what I had to do to make,it thru. .. each day. He tell me to stop .. buf he .. say he change .. can't rem .. when it happened. .. I slowdown den ..alot ..I been in such .. bad positions .. when .. I n on street ..sleeping .. or too scared ..to sleep st all
Is he cheating and Are you sure? Whether is right or incorrect, betray is going to really harm anyone and this is like torturing. Come to us and restore a remedy.
Yes sexting IS CHEATING.I am divorcing my husband over it.I have 55 pages of pics and sex talk to 2 different women.Trust is out the window.I don't EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS NEMORE !!!!!
I dont blame you & how hard this must be, but in any event this is what he chose sk be it. New chaptrr for you, hold youf head high n good lucki
Cheating, dating apps, follows other women and tells them how beautiful, lying and yes texting other women! I fell numb from the neck down and worthless.
Internet cheating hurts just as much as if my husband slept in our bed with another woman. Maybe worse because I believe he is a sex addict. He is seeking help and says he's done but how do I trust? Especially when he cheated as we were watching tv on separate couches. I love but I don't know if I can ever heal again. He wants one more chance but I don't know if I have it in me after catching him 15 times since last November. Any advice I need help.
AAB, Partners need professional counseling help too just for what you're describing. You need to learn how to let go of the hurt and fears so you can begin again. Trust is something that gets rebuilt over time with changes in his behavior. You trust again based on changes in actions, not just words. -Kurt
Accept it..change it..or lose it.I think you have given enuff of yourself and time.
How did you find out he was cheating on his phone while in the same toom?
I just recently found out my husband has been sending dirtykik videos, pics and texts to women... I'm beyond furious, horrified...my heart has sunk. I don't know what to do. He has been doing this"sexting" for a couple months now. He says it's not cheating but I told him if the roles were reversed how would he preceive it to be...he was speechless. I'm so hurt.